tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35652566939160245762024-03-08T20:38:12.622-05:00Turning Realsmalltownsinglegirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04909156080415764379noreply@blogger.comBlogger151125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3565256693916024576.post-79351540729657203772013-07-19T22:06:00.000-04:002013-07-19T22:06:00.271-04:00Confession On Wednesday I had dinner with two friends who I worked with last year. And if I'm being honest, I'm surprised (and very, very thankful) that they're still willing to spend time with me because last year I wasn't a very attractive version of myself, and I'm not sure I would still want to my friend. Occasionally, people will ask me why I stopped blogging, and my answer is always that I got too busy with work. But that's not really true. When you write about what you're learning and how God is working in your life and then you stop investing in that relationship, you have to stop writing because you don't have anything to say. <br />
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Last school year was one of the most challenging times in my life. (At dinner Wednesday I declared that I was no longer going to talk or think about it and was instead just going to refer to it as "My Dark Year" if it ever came up, and one of my friends agreed with me very, very quickly.) Two things that are true about me are that I don't love things that are hard and I don't like things I'm not good at. Really, I don't like to feel like a failure. At all. So when I was met with my most challenging group of students to date, it didn't take long for me to start falling apart. I could list for you all the things that were challenging about them, but those reasons aren't important. In fact, that list is just the first item in a much longer list of the things I did wrong. <br />
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As the year went on, I got more and more discouraged. I felt like a terrible teacher, like I wasn't doing my job, and for someone who struggles with finding her identity in other people's opinions of her and in her own performance, this is a frightening and very uncomfortable feeling to have. Instead of being honest about what was going wrong for me professionally, searching for ways to make it better, and trusting God and relying on Him, I pretty much did the exact opposite. I started to blame people. Things weren't going well because of our school's new discipline system. Things weren't going well because my students were lazy and apathetic and disrespectful and incredibly full of themselves and spoiled. <br />
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These were my thoughts. None of this was my fault. It was obviously the fault of all the other parties involved. Clearly, I was being wronged here. I was a good teacher. I had been told this so many times before. I achieved my National Board Certification. In just my fifth year, I was department head. I led professional development for teachers across my district. If my students couldn't see that and appreciate me, that was their fault, and they were very, very wrong. Really, they should have been thankful to have me as their teacher. That is what I kept telling myself. And that, dear reader, is how I--instead of humbling myself before the Lord--exalted myself and entered into a long-term relationship with my pride (who is, rather unfortunately, a friend I have quite a hard time shaking). <br />
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As you can imagine, the longer I held on to my pride, the less like myself I became (really the more horrible I became). First I was angry. Then bitter. Then sad. Really, really sad. And I realized exactly what was going on, but instead of admitting it, I just held tighter to my pride. Work might have been terrible, I might have been lonely, but I had this pride, dang it, and I wasn't about to let it go! <br />
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But alas, instead of being a comforting friend, it was toxic. I stopped being encouraging--to my students or my friends. I stopped reading my Bible. I stopped really praying, aside from occasional, half-hearted pleas for my day at school to be ok or angry reminders that I deserved better than this (I know--yikes!). I stopped wanting to do anything really, except hang out alone in my apartment, probably under a blanket. I became very selfish with my time. I didn't want to plan or grade. I didn't want to help people. I didn't want to wake up for work. I didn't want to go to church. I didn't want to go to my prayer group (some of whom I've been in a small group with for over two years, all of whom are some of the most Godly, understanding, and encouraging women I've ever known). I didn't want to have to go anywhere or see anyone. (Reminder--it's my dark year). All I wanted was for the school year to end because in my mind that was going to be the end of my problems (or at least I wouldn't have to go anywhere anymore...).<br />
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Really all summer brought was the chance for me to get some space and reflect, a chance for me to take responsibility for what I'd done, a chance for me to confess, and a chance to repent. And the past few weeks have been a beautiful reminder that Jesus died for teachers who fail. A reminder that I've been forgiven. That it is finished. It has been a time where God has quietly and constantly whispered to me that I am loved. That I'm His daughter. That while what I did was very, very wrong, I don't need to feel guilty and ashamed. And that a life filled with pride and sadness isn't the life He has for me. He's restored my joy, and I'm actually excited about school starting in August, which is something I didn't think I'd be able to say.<br />
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In an effort to make this year better than the last, I'm going to start studying Mark, specifically focusing on Jesus as a teacher. What I can learn from Him and His interactions with people that I can apply at school--in my leadership role, with my coworkers, and with my students. Theoretically, if I'm doing that, I'll have plenty to blog about, so if I stop blogging again, you can ask me why and hold me accountable (or at least my Mom can...because she reads this and can be rather tenacious, which is just the English major way of saying can sometimes badger me out of love until I get unjustifiably annoyed with her...sorry, Mom). So that's what you have to look forward to here (or at least now you can decide to stop reading).smalltownsinglegirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04909156080415764379noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3565256693916024576.post-42368791576430951522013-07-19T22:05:00.001-04:002013-07-19T22:52:29.955-04:00Top Five Movies So FarIf you know me, you know I go to the movies. A lot. (And usually by myself, which some people think is weird but that I think is awesome.) With the full knowledge that no one's out there dying to know what my favorite movies of the year have been so far, I present to you this list of my five favorites. (As long as I have a blog, I may as well use it to inflict my opinions on the world.)<br />
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5. <b><i>Upstream Color</i></b><br />
This movie makes no sense (much like Shane Carruth's other movie <i>Primer</i>). Except it does. Almost. The whole time you're watching it, you get this feeling like there's this perfectly reasonable explanation of how everything fits together and makes sense, but each time you think you figure it out, you realize there's a piece you left out and now have no place to put. And then you think you've really gotten it, but there's this bit about <i>Walden</i> that just refuses to make sense. All that sounds annoying and frustrating, which it may be. But regardless of that, this was the most engaged I've been with any movie I've seen in a long time. There are usually a few times in a movie when my mind starts to wander, when I start to think about how much longer it is (not always because it's bad--sometimes I don't want things to end), or when I start to think about all the stuff I should be doing instead of sitting in a movie. That didn't happen at all in this movie. Not once. I was intellectually engaged with it, thinking about it, the entire time. And I loved that.<br />
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4. <b><i>Much Ado About Nothing</i></b><br />
I suspect the sheer amount of enjoyment I got out of seeing this movie comes from two things. <br />
First, I don't really go to see many comedies. This is because most movies that come out in theaters where I live that are billed as comedies are either stupid funny or disgusting funny, and I've always been of the opinion that neither of these types of funny are, in fact, very funny. I'm a much bigger fan of things that are quirky funny or stupid-but-we-know-we're-being-stupid-so-really-we're-making-fun-of-stupid-funny funny. (I like to call this intelligent funny, but that makes me sound kind of like I think highly of myself and my sense of humor, so I'm not going to do that here.) The point is, I don't see funny movies in theaters very often. Usually I see movies that are realistic (read sometimes a little dark and sometimes a little sad), so there was something really great about seeing a comedy--a quippy, sarcastic comedy-- in a pretty full theater with lots of people laughing (especially this one group of ladies who were really, really laughing). <br />
Second, when I was in college, I decided to take a Renaissance Drama class because I thought to myself it wasn't fair the only thing people read from that time was Shakespeare. I thought there were all these other playwrights doing great stuff who had just been overshadowed, so I was going to take this class, learn about them, and then talk about them at parties (I don't know what parties) and sound really smart and above people. This didn't happen. Shakespeare's the only guy we still read because his stuff really is loads better than other stuff from the same time (except Marlowe's stuff, which is amazing, but since he died in a sketchy, bar-fight-type thing, there's not a lot of it). I read <i>Much Ado</i> in college, but hadn't really thought about it, or any Shakespeare really, in a while. So, the English major in me loved getting reacquainted with the Bard. And seeing his plays, in any form, is always better than just reading them, I think.<br />
Bottom line, it's smart and fun.<br />
(Plus the whole time you kind of feel like you're watching Joss Whedon's episode of <i>Cribs</i>, which is fun.)<br />
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3. <b><i>Before Midnight</i></b><br />
This is a classic example of a movie I like because it feels authentic to me. I feel like I'm watching real people dealing with real life, and those are just the kind of movies I prefer (which is clear in my top two movies). I loved the first two movies in this series, so I expected to love this one and I was not disappointed. Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy have managed to make me love their characters, so watching them fight, I was pretty worried about them. I just wanted them to work it out. If <i>Upstream Color</i> had me intellectually engaged, <i>Before Midnight</i> had me emotionally engaged. I also love it because it's pretty much just talking; it's a movie based solely on conversations. And I love those conversations; I want to talk to people like that. (The series has probably given me a very unlikely idea of how I would like to talk with someone if I'm ever in a relationship because I'm an introvert and not particularly good at small talk or conversations, but that's neither here nor there.)<br />
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2. <b><i>Frances Ha</i></b><br />
There is no way I'm going to watch a movie about a twenty-something girl who feels awkward and out of place and like everyone's lives are working out except her own and like she's being left behind and not love it. Because it's basically a movie about me. Except I'm not a dancer and I don't live in New York. But I know how it feels to watch your friends grow up, and do exciting things, and get engaged/married/whatever, and feel like you're somehow on the outside of the life you're supposed to be living, stuck in some weird place that's boring and dull and lonely. So watching this movie, which tells the story of a girl named Frances who is exactly there, made me feel not so weird and not so alone. And I love that the end isn't some big, dramatic thing. It's simple and subtle, just like the ending of this movie in most people's lives.<br />
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1. <b><i>Stories We Tell</i></b><br />
Helping a friend plan for the upcoming school year, I realized how many documentaries I watch. This is one of them. Sarah Polley interviews her family and various family friends trying to figure out the answer to a family mystery, which I won't go into, but it really turns into a picture of how we remember things, how we piece together those memories into our own stories, and why we need to tell stories at all. It's amazing. I was particularly into all the parts of people describing Polley's mom, who died when Polley was young, and how people's memories of her were sometimes markedly different and how losing her had probably really shaped how people remembered her (this is probably because my dad died when I was a kid). I'm not sure exactly how she does it, but Polley manages to take all these pieces of interviews and pictures and home movies and turn them into something truly remarkable. <br />
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(Bonus! My favorite movie of the year that other people may have actually seen...aka my favorite one that played at a normal movie theater and not the art house theater downtown is <i style="font-weight: bold;">Star Trek: Into Darkness</i>, which I love for entirely superficial, shallow reasons (please note the distinction between favorite and best): 1) J.J. Abrams, who I will always love because he gave me <i>Felicity</i>. 2) It's another chapter in the beautiful Chris Pine/Zachary Quinto interpretation of the Cpt. Kirk/Spock bromance, which I adore. I feel like a majority of friendships featured in movies involve girls, but guys have friends too, you guys. 3) BuffBatch. He's got muscles and a long monologue where the only thing that distracts you from his glorious voice is a lonely tear sliding down his face. Don't even try to pretend you didn't love listening to his voice in a movie theater. Don't even try.<br />
<i>Iron Man 3</i> and <i>Monsters University</i> were good too, but J.J. wins every day. Because <i>Felicity</i>. )smalltownsinglegirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04909156080415764379noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3565256693916024576.post-33814180232033582012012-09-11T22:12:00.001-04:002012-09-11T22:12:19.177-04:00Single Serving 1I really love to cook, but I never used to cook a lot. Instead, I spent a lot of time lamenting how I didn't have anyone to cook for. I would sulk around and wish I had a husband or a boyfriend so that I would have someone to feed (yes, this sounds very stupid, but it is very true). Then, it dawned on my just how flawed my thinking was. Obviously, I had friends I could invite to dinner. But more importantly, I could cook for myself. The biggest problem in my line of thinking was basically a belief that I wasn't worth the effort but a guy would be. And that's just lame. <br />
So since I've finally moved into my own apartment and have a kitchen of my very own to make messes in, I've started figuring out what it looks like to cook for just me. There are, however, several problems with cooking for one person. The first is leftovers. Most recipes are designed to make more than one or two servings, so usually I end up with leftovers that could last for a week. One, I'm not super in love with leftovers in general. Two, I'm not super in love with eating one thing for lunch and dinner every day for a week. The second is that most things are sold in packaging designed for a family. Those things together meant that I basically ended up wasting food...most of the time a lot of it...either because I threw away leftovers or because I used half of something and didn't use the rest before it went bad. <br />
Now that school's back in session, which means I'm on a schedule and have to pack myself lunches everyday, I've been working on fine tuning exactly how to shop and cook for one person. Basically that means trying to come up with multiple recipes that make 4 servings or less and that use the same basic ingredients but taste different enough so that I don't get bored with my food. And that don't cost so much that I blow my grocery budget. And that don't take forever to make since I'm back at school. That's essentially what this new blog feature will be...in case you are either cooking for 1-2 people or are just curious about what I eat.<br />
So, here's what I bought and cooked this week: (It's just for Monday-Thursday lunch because Thursday is Parent Night at school, so I'll be grabbing something between the end of school and the start of Parent Night and because Friday as soon as school ends I'm going to Athens for the weekend...where I will be eating really great food from some of my favorite restaurants!)<br />
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<b>Shopping List:</b><br />
pork tenderloin (because I usually eat chicken and was starting to get tired of it...also Publix had it on sale)<br />
bbq sauce (I got Sticky Fingers because it was the only mustard-based sauce at the store.)<br />
lemon herb seasoning<br />
asparagus<br />
broccoli<br />
garlic<br />
white wine (to cook with...and drink)<br />
*I also got myself some snacks to eat while watching football, orange Hi-C because it's all I want to drink when I'm sick, and string cheese because I love taking it for lunch...but none of those things are in the recipes I used this week. So in the future, just know the shopping list isn't all-inclusive.*<br />
<b>Stuff I had from last week:</b><br />
milk<br />
butter<br />
small red potatoes (I used half of a small bag last week to make roasted potatoes with Italian seasoning when I had people over for dinner, so I used the rest this week.)<br />
cream cheese (from making apple dip!)<br />
<b>What I Made:</b><br />
<u>Pulled Pork BBQ:</u> I took half the pork tenderloin, put it in my crock pot, poured in around 1/2 cup white wine, and cooked it on high for 4 hours. You can cook also cook it on low overnight if you want to. After it's cooked, pull it apart with 2 forks and pour in some sauce--whatever kind/however much you want (I use mustard-based sauce because it's really the only acceptable option in my opinion. I also buy it....I guess you could make it from scratch, but the only time I've ever done that is when I lived in Russia and it wasn't available for purchase.) It made 4 servings, so I ate if for lunch and dinner on Monday and Tuesday, which I didn't mind because a) I think it's really good and b) I changed up the sides. But if I had to eat it for another day, I would probably be sick of it, so it's a good thing I finished it tonight.<br />
<u>Roasted Pork Tenderloin</u>: I covered the other half of the pork tenderloin with lemon herb seasoning and baked it at 375 for around 25 minutes. <br />
<u>Mashed Potatoes!!</u> I love mashed potatoes, and I have a serious cold so I figured I deserved them this week. Since I only had half a bag of potatoes left, it didn't make that many (3 servings), so I didn't feel bad for putting butter and cream cheese in them. Here's what I did. Cut the potatoes in half but left on the skin (because I like them that way and since I'm just cooking for myself, I can do whatever I want!). Boiled them until they were tender. Then I just mashed them with a fork, added 1/4 a cup of softened butter, around 1/4 a block of cream cheese, one clove of crushed garlic, a pinch of salt and pepper, and a splash of milk. That's it, but they're pretty delicious. <br />
<u>Vegetables:</u> One thing that makes cooking for one great is cooking vegetables. It's so easy to cook 1 serving at a time because I just steam them. Usually I make enough to eat for dinner and take some for lunch the next day. This week I alternated between asparagus and broccoli.<br />
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Just a few notes:<br />
You might be wondering about dessert. Well, I eat it sometimes, but this week I haven't been because, like I said, I have a cold, so I haven't been super hungry. But don't worry, future weeks will have dessert recipes too. I'm a pretty avid baker, so making mini versions of some of my favorite desserts was kind of a summer project. Starting this week, I'll be getting my produce from the produce co-op that delivers to my school, so my recipes will be partially based on what I get from that, which should be fun and exciting! So next week you can look forward to that and a fun ode to ramekins, which in my opinion are a must for cooking for one.<br />
<br />smalltownsinglegirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04909156080415764379noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3565256693916024576.post-28238884552122957492012-08-26T21:00:00.001-04:002012-08-26T23:15:35.574-04:00Joy: It's Not About Me<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I like the word joy. It's not my favorite (my favorite is hope in case anyone was wondering), but I'd have to say it's pretty high up on the list. Just like hope, I like it because of what it means. If you look it up, you'll see that joy is "the emotion evoked by well-being, success, or good fortune or by the prospect of possessing what one desires." That's a nice definition, but I'm not sure it's right since that's basically saying it's how you would feel if you got everything you wanted. Maybe it's right in a world sense, but I don't think it's really Biblical. According to a song I learned at VBS when I was a kid (and also according to Galatians 5:22), joy is a fruit of the Spirit, which means it's not something I naturally have. It's not something my sinful flesh can really muster up, even if I had "well-being, success, or good fortune," because it doesn't come from me. If you grew up in church, you probably heard some form of the "happiness is dependent on your circumstances; joy isn't" thing. That's a nice thing, but not super helpful because then you're just left wondering what it is dependent on. Obviously, you're supposed to assume it comes from God, which it does, but I always found that definition lacking specificity, which as an English major I tend to enjoy.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">In light of all that, I've always felt like the concept of joy was something I was always not quite getting. And recently (say the past year or so), I've felt like joy was something I didn't really have. If I'm being honest, I tend to go to the negative more than I'd care to admit, and it's very easy for me to let that determine my mood. Sure there's been plenty of times I would say I was happy, and I'm pretty good at pretending to be happy even if I don't feel like it, but if someone asked me if I thought I was experiencing joy, I would probably have had to answer not really. And that, I think, is kind of a problem. As a Christian, shouldn't I be able to say I'm experiencing joy all the time? So I decided to do what all nerdy people do when something seems to be eluding them. I decided to study it. And since that's what I'm working on, that's what I'll be blogging about for the foreseeable future. (Disclaimer: I know that studying about joy isn't going to give me joy. I know that it comes from the Lord. So I don't think that if I just read a bunch on the topic I'm going to be able to make myself joyful. But, since I'm going to be reading about it in the Bible and praying about it a lot, I'm pretty confident that God will help me on the whole experiencing-joy front.) </span><br />
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</span><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I started my study in Deuteronomy. Specifically Deuteronomy 16:15, which says, "<span style="background-color: white; line-height: 15.483333587646484px;">For seven days you shall keep the feast to the </span><span class="small-caps" style="background-color: white; font-variant: small-caps; line-height: 15.483333587646484px;">Lord</span><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 15.483333587646484px;"> your God at the place that the </span><span class="small-caps" style="background-color: white; font-variant: small-caps; line-height: 15.483333587646484px;">Lord</span><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 15.483333587646484px;"> will choose, because the</span><span class="small-caps" style="background-color: white; font-variant: small-caps; line-height: 15.483333587646484px;">Lord</span><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 15.483333587646484px;"> your God will bless you in all your produce and in all the work of your hands, so that you will be altogether joyful." Deuteronomy 16 talks about the three big feasts/festivals--Passover, the Feast of Weeks, and the Feast of Booths. Verse 15 is talking about the Feast of Booths, which celebrates the harvest and remembers the time the Israelites spent wandering in the desert. Verse 15 basically says that during this time of celebration and remembrance, the people should be joyful (verse 14 actually commands them to rejoice). But why? (And actually, during this time some Jewish families still build "booths" to eat and sometimes sleep in, which is kind of like camping, and anyone who knows me well knows that that isn't on the top of the list of things that would bring me tons of joy....although I'm all for a good fort, which according to <a href="http://www.jewfaq.org/holiday5.htm">this website</a> building your family booth is kind of like.)</span></span></span><br />
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</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 15.483333587646484px;">During this feast, the joy comes from two things--remembering what God did while the Israelites were in the desert and celebrating what He just did with the harvest. In short, it's about what God has done. </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 15.483333587646484px;"><br />
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 15.483333587646484px;">So that's the first thing I'm learning about joy. It's not about me at all really; it's about God. Thankfully, I haven't been in the desert and am not a farmer, (I did get 8 plants when I moved to my new apartment, and 5 of them are still alive!) but God has provided for me in a ton of other ways, most of which I don't really think about that often. But maybe if I did think about them more, I would be more joyful.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 15.483333587646484px;"><br />
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 15.483333587646484px;">I have a wonderful family, a great church where I've met some amazing women I'm so thankful to know, a job that I love most of the time and coworkers who I love all of the time, my great new apartment, plus lots of other things. But the biggest thing God has done is save me. The biggest thing is Jesus and everything His sacrifice means. It means I'm forgiven. Even though I don't remember that all the time. And even though I still sin a lot. It means I'm His child. Even if I take for granted or all out forget how much that means He loves me. And it means I get forever with Him. Even though most of the time I don't think that's a big deal, when in fact it's really the biggest deal ever. </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 15.483333587646484px;"><br />
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 15.483333587646484px;">But really what it means is that my "well-being, success, and good fortune" are 100% secure. And it means the "prospect of possessing what [I] desire," mainly getting to be somewhere where there's no more pain and sin, where I'm face-to-face with Jesus, is 100% likely. So I guess when you look at it that way, there's no reason for me to not have joy. And when you look at it that way, the dictionary definition is 100% correct.</span></span></span><br />
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</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 15.483333587646484px;"> </span></span></span>smalltownsinglegirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04909156080415764379noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3565256693916024576.post-53329341276669456792012-02-06T10:52:00.002-05:002012-02-06T11:18:10.427-05:00Sick...But Getting BetterAs I write this, I'm sitting in the waiting room of the hospital while my sister is in surgery. She's been sick for months. At first she thought there was nothing really wrong. Then she thought if she did things like change her diet she could make herself better. And finally she realized there really was something wrong and went to the doctor. A few months after that brings us to today where she's in the operating room so the thing that's been causing problems for months can get fixed.<div>The thing is, in about an hour if everything goes as expected, she'll be out of surgery and the thing that's been causing her so many problems will be gone. But even when she gets out of surgery, she won't be better instantly. She'll have to stay in the hospital for a few days. Then she'll have to stay home for a few weeks. And then she'll be well enough to go back to work and start living a normal life again.</div><div>Last week I had a conversation with a friend about habitual sin and how even though I've been a Christian for a while I still sin all the time. And how it's frustrating. And how much I wish I could just get to Heaven and be perfect already. </div><div>Being a Christian is kind of like being my sister right now, really. There's this point when we realize that we're sinners. And sometimes we try to handle that on our own--like if we can just work hard we can make ourselves good enough. Then we realize that won't work. We need help from a professional. Someone whose purpose is to fix us. So we go to see Him and He does. There's this moment when we go from being not ok to being ok. Not because of anything we do. Because of Him. </div><div>Right now my sister is lying on an operating table asleep. She literally can't do anything to fix herself. But some time in the next hour or so her surgeon is going to do some surgeon thing. And when he does that, she's going to be fixed. Because of him. Not because of her. </div><div>But even though she's fixed, she won't feel better right away. Even though there's this moment when Jesus takes my dirty, sinful heart and gives me a new clean one, I'm not better right away. I'm cured. But I still need recovery. There are setbacks. And times when I try to speed up the recovery process by taking control for myself, which usually make things worse. </div><div>And those are the times when it becomes really, really important to remember that I really have been made completely better. </div><div>I'm sure over the next few days, the next few weeks even, my sister will have times when she's in pain, when she doesn't feel all that great. And it's during those times that it will be important for her to remember she's better. And the pain that she's feeling isn't a sign that she's sick anymore. It's a sign that she's better.</div><div>So as I continue along this road to turning real it's important to remember that the hard and painful times are just that. They're a sign that I'm fixed. A sign that Jesus is helping me get better. </div><div>And in a few weeks, if everything goes as expected, my sister will go back to work. And she'll get back to life. And she won't be sick like this anymore. The only remnants of all this sickness will be a few scars. </div><div>And one day, I'll go home to my Father. And I'll get a life forever with him. And I won't be sick at all anymore. The only remnants of all my sickness will be a few scars. But they won't be mine. </div>smalltownsinglegirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04909156080415764379noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3565256693916024576.post-18767650431175911242012-01-22T19:18:00.002-05:002012-01-22T21:03:40.353-05:00Avoid Them Like the PlagueIf you ever paid attention in your English classes and had a teacher who thought he or she would try and be a little clever, you'll recognize from that title that I'm talking about cliches. Those overused expressions we all love to say that have been hanging around so long they've lost their meaning and any real hope of being effective. Cliches, unfortunately, don't just take up residence in the papers of students doomed to get bad grades. If you're someone who has been in church for a large part of your life, especially if you grew up going, you may find that certain Biblical truth has turned into its own spiritual cliche to you. They're those things that become second nature for you--both to hear and to say--especially to people who seem to be going through a bit of a hard time. And over time, it's easy to forget what they really mean. (OK, maybe this doesn't happen to all Christians and I'm overgeneralizing things, but I know it happens to me....so I like to think I'm not the only one. But if I really am the only one, just substitute the following "we's" to "I's" and just think to yourself "wow, I'm glad I'm not as messed up as this girl.)<div><br /><div>Like when someone's feeling lonely or unloved and you say something like "Jesus loved you so much and wanted a relationship with you so much that He died for you."</div><div>Or when something bad happens to someone or they feel like their life is going in the totally wrong direction and you say something like "God has a plan, and His plan is perfect." (Or if you're feeling theological you throw around a really cool word like sovereign.) </div><div>Or when something really bad happens and you pull out some Romans and say, "...God causes all things to work together for good...."</div></div><div><br /></div><div>There's nothing wrong with any of those things. They're all true. The last one even comes word for word out of the Bible. The only real problem that I have with any of them is that Christians like to pull them out. A lot. And the more they get pulled out, the more nonchalantly we start to say them. And the more nonchalant shout-outs they get, the more we get used to hearing them. And the more we get used to hearing them, the more our minds meet them with the "yeah, yeah, I know" that we use to respond to things that we're sick of hearing, don't really want to be hearing again, and certainly aren't going to be taking seriously any time soon.</div><div><br /></div><div>And that's a problem. When we get to a place where we've heard it so much, truth starts to lose its meaning for us. And then truth becomes that proverbial wolf that that little boy kept crying about.</div><div><br /></div><div>So what are we to do when we wake up one day and find the fact that Jesus loves us isn't really striking us as such a big deal anymore? I think the answer lies in looking back at the whole truth. When we do that, I think we find that there are certain parts of it that get glossed over--or sometimes totally left out--in our rush to put spiritual band-aids on the things that ail us. And we find that there are certain sins that get in the way too. </div><div><br /></div><div>Let's start with the first one: Jesus loved you so much and wanted a relationship with you so much that He died for you. That's true. And it's awesome. But there's another side to it that people don't like to think about so much: The fact that we're so bad that we need someone to die for us. </div><div>Most people, myself really, really included, like to think that they're pretty cool. If I'm being honest, I think I'm pretty awesome. And I would definitely want to be my friend. Nothing against some good old-fashioned confidence, but this kind of thinking can be really dangerous because it can lead us to a little place called pride (and yes, Avett Brothers, <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CLUWYVJzEOg&noredirect=1">I mean like the kind in the Bible that turns you bad</a>). And that pride is what can make this particular truth start to lose its luster. It stops being remarkable that Jesus died for us when we forget that we needed to be died for. We start to think that we're good enough on our own. And suddenly this really big love that we can't understand becomes mundane and simple and we start to take it for granted. Something that is great and more than we could ever need becomes small and not enough.</div><div>When we hear Jesus loves you, Jesus loves you, Jesus loves you over and over again, at first we believe it (which is great), then we start to think that maybe we really deserve it. We forget that <a href="http://www.esvbible.org/search/Romans%206%3A23/">"the wages of sin is death"</a> and that <a href="http://www.esvbible.org/search/1%20Timothy%201%3A15/">"Jesus came to save sinners"</a>--not people who weren't in need of saving. And then we start to feel entitled (which is not great). </div><div><br /></div><div>That's where the second trusty saying comes in. Because when we feel entitled, we start to feel unsatisfied. Our minds take us on a little trip that goes something like this: Jesus loves me, so I must be pretty fabulous. And if Jesus loves me, He must want really good things for me. Fabulous people who Jesus wants good things for should have really fabulous lives filled with all sorts of awesome. So since my life is neither fabulous nor filled with awesome right now, God must have forgotten about me...surely there is something wrong going on here. There are ALL KINDS of problems with that train of thought, but I'll be the first to admit that when I don't think things are going my way and I decide to throw myself a pity party that's pretty much what my brain sounds like (and yes, that's a pretty embarrassing thing to admit). </div><div>And when I'm in that place, most of the time I don't get too excited when someone tells me God's plan is perfect. My definition of perfect is a world where I can sleep in every day, read all day long, eat peanut M&Ms and brownies and stuffed crust pizza and never get sick or fat, never experience anything remotely resembling unpleasant, etc. Perfect is happy. </div><div>So when people say God's plan is perfect, the word perfect carries all these nice, comfortable connotations. And that's kind of the effect we want when we tell people this because really, most of the time, we just want them to feel better. </div><div>But that's dangerous because the truth is that when I'm hurting, or when people I care about are hurting, it's easy for me to stop believing God's plan is perfect because in my mind perfect and hurting don't go together. </div><div>The part of the truth that we like to ignore here is that, when you're talking about God's plan, perfect doesn't necessarily mean fun. Perfect doesn't mean easy. Perfect doesn't mean painless. Perfect doesn't mean we'll enjoy it. Or even like it. Perfect is often times hard. Perfect is often times painful. Perfect often times means we won't enjoy it. Or like it.</div><div>And that's ok. Because when you get to the third saying, it all starts to make more sense.</div><div><br /></div><div>Since it's an election year, it's probably a good time to remind people that quotes taken out of context or quotes taken in pieces and parts can be manipulated and used for any purpose, good or evil. That's what happens sometimes with <a href="http://www.esvbible.org/search/Romans+8%3A28/">Romans 8:28</a>. We like the part about things working together for good. Good, like perfect, is a happy word in our minds. So we tell people that things will work out for the good because to our flesh that implies that things will get better, the day will get sunnier, and we'll be happy again soon. Sometimes it doesn't matter what the "things" are that we're talking about. We just like to think that if we keep going things will end up good. </div><div>But that's wrong too. Just like perfect doesn't mean easy, good doesn't either. It means beneficial, but too often the things that are really beneficial are the things that are challenging. The things that are hard. The things that are painful. The things that we don't enjoy. </div><div>The end of that verse says, "...to those who are called according to His purpose." <i>His</i> purpose. Not ours. We have no promise that things will work together for good when we're working towards our own goals, to accomplish our own purposes. When we're seeking His will, His purpose for our lives, ultimately things will work together for the good, which is His will being accomplished and our becoming more like Christ. Not our wills being accomplished and our lives becoming more like the lives we think we should have. </div><div><br /></div><div>Each of these lessons is a huge lesson I have to keep learning as I am turned real. I'm not nearly as awesome as I like to think. I really need Jesus. Things won't be fun and easy all the time. The more I learn these lessons, the more I find I need to be reminded that Jesus loves me. That God's plan is perfect. And that all things work together for good.</div><div><br /></div><div>And if the English teacher you thought about at the beginning of this post was any good, that makes you realize that while the Christian life can at times be plagued by cliches, it can also at times be quite ironic. </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>smalltownsinglegirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04909156080415764379noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3565256693916024576.post-89095168883930502662012-01-17T20:26:00.003-05:002012-01-17T21:30:14.568-05:00New Name, Same Me<span>So I haven't blogged in quite a long time...and I decided it would be nice to do a relaunch of sorts (or basically just change the name of my blog). Originally when I started to blog, I was dedicated to writing about all the things I could do as a single girl and celebrating how great it was. Which was really just my way of ignoring that I was disappointed and hurt over the fact that my life hadn't turned out exactly as I had planned. But I learned that no matter how hard I tried I couldn't make myself super pumped about being single. I learned, however, that God could. I learned that once I let go of the idea I had of how my life was supposed to look, let myself hurt over it, and let God start to show me what His plan for me was, He would make me super pumped about it, even when it was difficult and not fun. And as hard as that was for me to do, it was one of the most beautiful things in my life. In light of that, I thought I would rebrand my blog to reflect more of where I am now, which is learning to be the woman God is calling me to be (and yes, right now a part of that is single....)</span><div><span>As you can see, the new title is Turning Real. It comes from this passage from <i>The Velveteen Rabbit</i>:</span></div><div><br /></div><div><span style="color: rgb(24, 24, 24); font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); ">“What is REAL?" asked the Velveteen Rabbit one day... "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?" </span><br style="color: rgb(24, 24, 24); font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); "><span style="color: rgb(24, 24, 24); font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); ">"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When [someone] loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real." </span><br style="color: rgb(24, 24, 24); font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); "><span style="color: rgb(24, 24, 24); font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); ">"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit. </span><br style="color: rgb(24, 24, 24); font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); "><span style="color: rgb(24, 24, 24); font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); ">"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt." </span><br style="color: rgb(24, 24, 24); font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); "><span style="color: rgb(24, 24, 24); font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); ">"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?" </span><br style="color: rgb(24, 24, 24); font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); "><span style="color: rgb(24, 24, 24); font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); ">"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't often happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. </span><br style="color: rgb(24, 24, 24); font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); "><span style="color: rgb(24, 24, 24); font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); ">"Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand... once you are Real you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always.” </span> </div><div><span style="color: rgb(24, 24, 24); font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); "><br /></span></div><div><span style="color: rgb(24, 24, 24); line-height: 18px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); "><span>This is maybe one of my favorite passages from any book. Real is a thing that is happening to me because Jesus REALLY loves me. And yes, sometimes it hurts. A lot. And it takes a long time. Sometimes I feel like too long. But I can find comfort in the fact that because I'm not turning real alone, because I have Christ with me, I'm not going to break easily. And I can find comfort in the fact that when it's over, I'll be completely different than I was when I started (mind you, it will be more radiant than shabby). And it will last for always.</span></span></div><div><span style="color: rgb(24, 24, 24); line-height: 18px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); "><span><br /></span></span></div><div><span style="color: rgb(24, 24, 24); line-height: 18px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); "><span>So from now on, the blog will be focusing on what God is doing in my life--all the pain of it but more importantly all the joy. It will be my journey to something that will last for always. The story of how Jesus is loving me real.</span></span></div>smalltownsinglegirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04909156080415764379noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3565256693916024576.post-34972675199367464002011-08-03T17:30:00.004-04:002011-08-04T00:56:26.404-04:00Lonely (What I've Learned from TV Part 2)If it's Sunday night at 11:00, then anyone looking for me will find me in front of my <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">tv</span>, possibly perilously close to hugging it, reminding myself that Jesse <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">Pinkman</span> isn't real so it wouldn't do me any good to get in my car, drive to Albuquerque, find him, hug him, and try to save him. <div><br /></div><div>Jesse <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">Pinkman</span> is one of the main characters on <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">AMC's</span> series <i>Breaking Bad</i>, which I started watching this summer based on a recommendation from my sister's friend, who I have since decided has the best television taste in the history of time. The show is that good. If you haven't seen it, the basic premise is that a high school chemistry teacher named Walter White gets diagnosed with terminal lung cancer, so he starts to cook <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">meth</span> to earn money to leave to take care of his family. He teams up with a former student, Jesse <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">Pinkman</span>, who helps him cook and sell the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">meth</span>. I know, you're probably thinking that a show about <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">meth</span> dealers has to be horrible, but, while it does show a lot of the ins and outs of the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">meth</span> trade, the show is really about people. </div><div><br /></div><div>Because he's been involved in drugs since high school, Jesse is estranged from his family, and he basically lacks any real connection to anyone. During the first three seasons, you see him trying to form connections with people, and he's almost successful, most notably his relationship with Walt, which starts as teacher-student but begins to seem more like father-son as they work together, but something happens to mess up every real relationship he starts. Season four finds Jesse totally alone, trying to numb his sense of loneliness by filling his house with people and things. There's basically a lot of shots of Jesse sitting alone or doing things alone, and he seems like a shell of a human (and that's why the episodes this season have made me so impossibly sad).</div><div><br /></div><div>Jesse is a perfect example of the desire we all have to be known, to have people in our lives who know all about us, who understand us. We want to matter to other people. </div><div><br /></div><div>Since I'm now 27, I'm getting to a point where more and more of my friends are married and more and more of my friends have kids. What that means is that it's getting harder and harder to make plans with people--I've found that husbands and kids can limit one's spontaneity and that it can be difficult to work around three people's schedules instead of one. I'm sure if I had a husband and a kid I would be less into going out and doing things all the time, that going out to eat and going to the movies wouldn't be on my to do list every weekend, that going to concerts and on trips wouldn't be as easy. And I know that I would be worried about my married friends if they wanted to hang out with me instead of their husbands all the time. And while I completely understand, I would be lying if I said that not having a ton of single friends didn't make me feel lonely sometimes. Or sometimes make me feel like <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">everyone's</span> life is passing me by and I'm just getting farther and farther behind.</div><div><br /></div><div>Then, when it's Sunday and I go to church and watch <i>Breaking Bad </i>and see sad, lonely Jesse <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">Pinkman</span>, I'm reminded that no matter how many people I'm around, no matter how many times I hang out with other people, doing things with people will never be enough to make me feel not lonely. And I remember <a href="http://singleinlove-myyearofme.blogspot.com/2010/01/on-friday-i-was-talking-with-another.html">how many people I have in my life who really know me</a>, how many people I have in my life who I can be honest with, how many people in my life really care about me. And how that's so much better than having people around all the time to do trivial things with. I'm also reminded that even if I had a packed social calendar plus all my close friends I would still feel lonely sometimes because no one could ever fully know me or satisfy my every need or make me feel loved every second. I remember that the only real cure for my loneliness is Christ, and I remember how when I look to other people instead of Him to cure my loneliness, it breaks His heart, just like my heart breaks when I watch Jesse <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">Pinkman</span>. </div>smalltownsinglegirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04909156080415764379noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3565256693916024576.post-4850598768617792802011-08-01T13:45:00.005-04:002011-08-01T15:01:13.008-04:00Satisfied (What I've Learned from TV part 1)If you read my blog at all last summer, you may remember that <a href="http://singleinlove-myyearofme.blogspot.com/2010/07/if-life-were-tv-show.html">during the summers I watch a lot of <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">tv</span> shows on DVD</a>. Last summer, I watched <i>Prison Break</i>, <a href="http://singleinlove-myyearofme.blogspot.com/2010/07/tv-induced-paranoia.html">which you may recall made me slightly paranoid for about a week</a>. Using your mad deductive reasoning skills, you can figure out that I've watched my fair share of <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">tv</span> shows this summer too. The other day my mom asked me why I found television so interesting and how I thought that Jesus fit into <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">tv</span>. I gave her a short answer, basically telling her that I liked getting to see different perspectives and that I thought Jesus was most present in His absence (which will make more sense later). After talking with her (and being harassed by a certain wonderful friend who I think dearly missed my blog), I decided to do a four-part series entitled What I've Learned from TV in which I highlight some of the spiritual truths I've been reminded of this summer. <div><br /></div><div>Recently I started watching <i>Mad Men</i>. A combination of multiple awards and multiple people talking about how amazing this show is made me decide to try watching it last year. I hated it. I watched five or six episodes and couldn't figure out why people thought it was so good. Despite that fact, I decided to give it another chance this summer, and I'm so glad I did. I think the problem before was that I was watching Season 3, and because the show is so character-driven, you really have to start at the beginning or things won't make sense. So a few weeks ago I settled in with Season 1 and haven't looked back. </div><div><br /></div><div>If you've never seen the show, the basic story is about a character named Don Draper who works as the creative director at an advertising agency in the 1960s. Don has a great job that he's very good at, a beautiful wife, kids, a great car, and a house in the suburbs with a red door that I absolutely love. He's good looking, charming, and every girl he ever meets basically falls all over him. There's lots of cocktails, smoking, and really great clothes. Anyone looking at him would think he had the perfect life, but Don also has a pretty big secret and an undesirable childhood that he's run away from. Basically, he has built for himself the ideal American-dream life like Jay Gatsby in <i>The Great Gatsby</i>, which is one of my all-time favorite books, and I suspect that the parallels I see between the two characters may be one reason why I enjoy the show so much.</div><div><br /></div><div>As you watch the show and learn more about Don's past, it becomes clear that he is the archetypal self-made man. Everything he has he has worked hard for, and he works even harder it seems to keep up the facade that his life is amazing and satisfying. In the early seasons, there are several occasions when another character will ask Don why something is being done. He always responds with "it's what people do," as if the entire motivation for his life up to this point has been trying to follow the status <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">quo</span> because that will, eventually, lead to a sense of being fulfilled, yet the more you watch and the more he gets, the more disillusioned he becomes. And, when you get to Season 3, you start to notice that Don begins to feel guilty somewhat for his job. He creates ad campaigns selling things to people on the pretense that these things will make them happy, but he is becoming all to familiar with what a lie that is. </div><div><br /></div><div>Watching Don Draper, I can't help but see shades of myself. I think that if I just work hard enough, do well enough, I can build for myself a rather perfect and satisfying life. I can't count how many times I've thought to myself this Spring that I've done everything right--I went to college, have a good job, I even threw in a year as a "missionary" for good measure--and yet the result isn't what it should be. Since I worked hard, aren't I supposed to be able to have the things that I want--like my own house, a fabulous wardrobe, a husband? I mean, I live in America, and isn't that what American kids are told growing up? </div><div><br /></div><div>But watching <i>Mad Men</i> is a wonderful reminder that the American dream I am sometimes so upset about not seeing come true in my life is, in fact, a far cry from the satisfaction it promises. It is actually the exact opposite; it's really a trap that would leave me forever thinking I just needed one more thing or wondering why I still wasn't happy when I had checked everything off the list, like Don Draper surely would be able to do. It is a wonderful reminder that the longing of my heart will never be satisfied by a house, or a spouse, or praise and accolades at work, or the attention of others. (Or accidentally rhyming in a blog post.) It is an example of just how unsatisfying all that is and a reminder that satisfaction comes in the form of Christ alone. So as I watch, I can't help but think to myself that Don Draper would be a lot happier if he really was late for work <a href="http://www.imdb.com/character/ch0031457/quotes">"because [he] was spending time with [his] family reading the Bible."</a></div><div><br /></div><div>(As a side note, I have been doing things other than watching tv this summer. One of which was a Bible study doing the first book in <a href="http://www.lifeway.com/Product/seed-member-book-1-P005342725">Priscilla Shirer's Seed Series</a>. It's kind of a funny thing...most of my tv lessons line up with what I've been learning during my time in the word this summer. Who would have thought?) </div>smalltownsinglegirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04909156080415764379noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3565256693916024576.post-56851013686784251762011-07-01T22:29:00.002-04:002011-07-01T22:32:57.836-04:00Where Have I Been??My mom asked me this week why I had stopped blogging. Well, the short answer is that school ended and I needed a break from pretty much everything. Add to that the fact that I taught a graduate class on grammar for teachers in my district (which I had to design the curriculum and create everything for) and that my family went on vacation, and you get the basic reasons why I've been absent from the blog. But, never fear, I'm feeling recovered from the year, still single, and planning on returning with a real post this week!smalltownsinglegirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04909156080415764379noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3565256693916024576.post-15615629802430855522011-05-31T09:51:00.002-04:002011-05-31T09:55:19.836-04:00Today's Reason to be Glad School's Almost OverThe last day for students is Thursday, so this week is half days and exams! You can tell that school needs to end for lots of reasons. Here's one from this morning.<div><br /></div><div>Me: "You just need to put your name on the Scantron. Don't worry about the subject or the date. If you want to put it, fine, but if you don't know the date, don't worry about it. I just need your name."</div><div><br /></div><div>Student 1: "What's the date?"</div><div><br /></div><div>Student 2: "Do you want us to put ELA for the subject?"</div><div><br /></div><div>Student 3: "Is it May 31st?"</div><div><br /></div><div>Seriously. Sometimes I wonder why I speak in my classroom.</div>smalltownsinglegirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04909156080415764379noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3565256693916024576.post-46164194172523676382011-05-19T14:49:00.002-04:002011-05-19T15:05:02.820-04:00Summer ReadingTo kick off my summer reading for this year, I decided it was time for me to reread <i>Gone With the Wind</i>. I've been reading Pat Conroy's reading memoir <i>My Reading Life</i>, and he devotes an entire chapter to <i>GWTW</i> and what an amazing book it is. This, along with going to see<i> The Conspirator</i>, gave me the nudge I needed to give <i>GWTW</i>, all 1448 pages of it, its second read. I've been wanting to read it again for a while, but the fact that I lost my original copy during one of my 4 moves in the past 3 years was holding me back. I got my first copy at this tiny English bookstore in St. Petersburg and stayed up all night reading it on the night train back to Moscow. I then devoted all my metro rides for a week or so to it. My first copy traveled all over Russia with me, so it had a special place in my heart. I've been in denial that I lost it and have been refusing to get another copy, but Sunday I broke down and got a new one. I started rereading it on Monday (and all my students are freaked out by its massive size...and even more freaked when I tell them this is the second time I'm reading it). <div> <div>The beginning of this book makes me think that I was perhaps born at the wrong time. I think part of me was meant to live on an antebellum plantation, wearing hoop skirts and sitting on my big front porch while boys came calling. Then, I would have gotten married and just had to sit in a chair and look pretty. I mean, what girl wouldn't kind of want to live in a time characterized by "exaggerated courtesy to women"?</div></div><div><br /></div><div>It also makes me want to give any kid I may have in the future some incredibly Southern name like Cade, Raiford, or Wilkes. (I mean, Cade Calvert, I love it.) </div><div><br /></div><div>And the beginning makes me kind of sad that life's not like that anymore. Then I remember the whole slavery thing and feel like a really bad person.</div><div><br /></div><div>Anyway, I highly recommend the book. You just have to get past the length, which even I admit is a little intimidating at first. But I promise, it's totally worth it. And don't think you can just watch the movie because they leave out TONS of great stuff, including one particularly charming scene involving Scarlett, Rhett, and a horse-and-buggy.</div>smalltownsinglegirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04909156080415764379noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3565256693916024576.post-38572878775431283742011-05-13T14:14:00.002-04:002011-05-13T14:26:35.795-04:00Psalm 7:17 Friday XVII<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(50, 50, 50); font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; ">"I will give to the Lord the thanks due to his righteousness, and I will sing praise to the name of the Lord, the Most High."<div>-Psalm 7:17</div><div><br /></div><div><b>Things I am Thankful for This Week</b></div><div><b><br /></b></div><div>-A small group where I can be honest without fear of being judged</div><div>-Friends who encourage me and pray for me</div><div>-PASS testing--which I mostly hate, but which does mean that I had my last block class for only 45 minutes a day this week instead of 90</div><div>-Reading <i>The Giver</i>, one of my all-time favorite books, with my students</div><div>-My Honors ELA class this year because they make me laugh and show me everyday that all the things I dreamed of when I decided to become a teacher are actually possible</div><div>-<a href="http://www.pintrest.com">pintrest.com</a>, which is great for the 5 minutes between classes because I know that when I pull it up there will be something that makes me smile (but every once in a while there is something kind of inappropriate....)</div><div>-looking at recipes and knowing I have a friend to cook with this summer</div><div>-two-and-a-half weeks until Summer</div><div>-Having friendships that are comfortable and broken in, ones where you can hang out by sitting on the couch, drinking wine, and watching tv without really talking all that much</div><div>-The sequel to <i>The Red Pyramid</i>, which came out a few weeks ago but I'm just getting around to reading</div><div>-Going to my first NASCAR race with on of my best friends (and the fact that we've been best friends since we were in 5th grade)</div><div>-Both my sisters being in town last weekend</div><div>-My mom!!</div></span>smalltownsinglegirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04909156080415764379noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3565256693916024576.post-62664131609544490282011-05-10T13:43:00.001-04:002011-05-10T13:43:53.311-04:00Yeah I Am....<img src="http://d30opm7hsgivgh.cloudfront.net/upload/20937427_iqDTw8Qu_b.jpg" alt=":D" />smalltownsinglegirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04909156080415764379noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3565256693916024576.post-16107896685517107962011-05-04T09:18:00.004-04:002011-05-04T11:31:28.831-04:00Song LyricsI like to think that in another life, where I am much cooler than I am now, I would be able to play the guitar and write amazing songs. Sadly, I'm me, and I can't. But, that doesn't mean I can't appreciate a good lyric when I hear one. Probably because I'm a word person, I listen to lyrics a lot more closely than most people I know (which probably explains why I don't listen to many of the songs my students listen to....), and often times I find that they are particularly apt at speaking to certain things going on in my life. This was really true over the past week and a half or so. So, I thought it would be fun if I summed up my recent life in lyrics. (And, I'm also considering making this an assignment for my students sometime....)<div><br /></div><div><div>"Light up, light up</div><div>As if you have a choice</div><div>Even if you cannot hear my voice</div><div>I'll be right beside you dear."</div><div>-"Run" by Snow Patrol</div></div><div><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span>S</span>o this song isn't about God at all, but this makes me think about Him anyway. I was feeling a little deserted and alone, but when I listened to this song on the way to visit my sister, it reminded me that even when I feel like He's forgotten about me, God is right with me all the time.</div><div><br /></div><div>"I never learned to count my blessings,</div><div>I choose to dwell in my disasters."</div><div>-"Empty" by Ray LaMontagne</div><div><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span>S</span>tory of my life. And it reminds me that I have a choice--I can focus on the bad things, <span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> <span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span></span>which is so easy to do, or I can force myself to turn my mind to the good.</div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="white-space: nowrap; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px; "><span class="Apple-style-span">"I asked the Lord that I might grow<br />In faith and love and every grace<br />Might more of His salvation know<br />And seek more earnestly His face<br /><br />Twas He who taught me thus to pray<br />And He I trust has answered prayer<br />But it has been in such a way<br />As almost drove me to despair<br /><br />I hoped that in some favored hour<br />At once He'd answer my request<br />And by His love's constraining power<br />Subdue my sins and give me rest<br /><br />Instead of this He made me feel<br />The hidden evils of my heart<br />And let the angry powers of Hell<br />Assault my soul in every part<br /><br />Yea more with His own hand He seemed<br />Intent to aggravate my woe<br />Crossed all the fair designs I schemed,<br />Cast out my feelings, laid me low<br /><br />Lord why is this, I trembling cried<br />Wilt Thou pursue thy worm to death?<br />'Tis in this way' The Lord replied<br />'I answer prayer for grace and faith'<br /><br />'These inward trials I employ<br />From self and pride to set thee free<br />And break thy schemes of earthly joy<br />That thou mayest seek thy all in me,<br />That thou mayest seek thy all in me.'"</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="white-space: nowrap; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px; ">-"I Asked the Lord" lyrics by John Newton</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="white-space: nowrap; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px; "><span class="Apple-style-span"></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="white-space: nowrap; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px; "><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="white-space: nowrap; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px; "><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"></span><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span>So we sang this song at church on Sunday, and it was like someone had looked </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="white-space: nowrap; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px; "><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span>into my heart<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="white-space: nowrap; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px; "><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre">a</span>nd written down exactly how I've been feeling. Particularly the </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="white-space: nowrap; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px; "><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span>part about hoping God </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="white-space: nowrap; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px; ">would grant one of my requests and "subdue" my sin but </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="white-space: nowrap; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px; "><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span>He makes my sin more clear instead. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="white-space: nowrap; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px; ">It also made me remember how thankful I </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="white-space: nowrap; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px; "><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span>should be when God doesn't give me what I want.</span></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>smalltownsinglegirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04909156080415764379noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3565256693916024576.post-74206460545978984142011-05-04T08:52:00.003-04:002011-05-04T08:54:38.896-04:00ThankfulI obviously missed my Friday post last week. I would like to be able to say I missed it because I was busy doing something super awesome. But the real reason is because I was being silly and throwing myself a rather large pity party. Thankfully, Jesus and I had a nice chat about my life, and now I'm feeling much better. So, in lieu of my late post, here's a nice picture.<div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><img src="http://d30opm7hsgivgh.cloudfront.net/upload/18908270_JJvvwP90_b.jpg" alt="Word!" /></div>smalltownsinglegirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04909156080415764379noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3565256693916024576.post-6540609702581586392011-04-22T21:28:00.004-04:002011-04-22T21:32:30.578-04:00Psalm 7:17 Friday XVI<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(50, 50, 50); font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; ">"I will give to the Lord the thanks due to his righteousness, and I will sing praise to the name of the Lord, the Most High."<div>-Psalm 7:17</div><div><br /></div><div><b>Things I am Thankful for This Week</b></div><div><b><br /></b></div><div>-Spring Break!</div><div>-Visiting both my sisters this week</div><div>-Getting my first facial with my big sis! (They are amazing.)</div><div>-The chance to house-sit, which meant getting some real alone time</div><div>-Brother-Sister day with my little brother--lunch, a movie, and Marble Slab</div><div>-Having my whole family in town for the weekend</div><div>-Unless something crazy happens in the next 3:03, the Celtics will be up 3-0 in their series with the Knicks</div><div>-Jesus</div></span>smalltownsinglegirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04909156080415764379noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3565256693916024576.post-9039575776984323212011-04-21T20:19:00.003-04:002011-04-21T21:49:50.380-04:00Sinful SinnerThe more mature I become as a Christian, the more of a failure I see I am. This week I was in a situation where my own sins of selfishness, jealousy, and my need for acceptance and praise from others became painfully clear to me. So I found myself reflecting on my own thoughts/feelings/actions and comparing them to the thoughts/feelings/actions that I, as a Christian, should have. My life should be centered on the Gospel, and out of that I should be satisfied and accepted in Christ and should gladly suffer and serve others, seeking nothing for myself. The more I thought, the more upset and discouraged I became because I had in my mind a list of feelings I should have had, but I couldn't make myself feel them. I knew what my actions should have been, but no matter how many times I told myself to, I couldn't joyfully do them. If I know what my sin is and I know how my life should be, I asked myself, why can't I change it? Why can't I make myself stop sinning?<div><br /><div>The answer is because I can't. I can't change myself. I can't overcome my sin. Thankfully, because of Christ, my sin has been taken care of. It's been forgiven. In Him, my sin has been overcome. I, apparently, have issues believing and accepting that.</div><div><br /></div><div>As I thought about that and how it relates to how I feel about my sin, I realized that my sin just makes me more sinful...or just reveals more of my sin. I don't get upset about my sin because of how it hurts God. I get upset because it hurts me--it makes me feel bad about myself, it makes me feel like I'm not a good Christian (whatever that means....). I don't get upset about my sin because of how it affects or hurts other people. I get upset because I'm afraid of how it's going to affect my relationships with other people. Of how it might make me lose a friend or how it might make someone not like me (gasp). I get upset because I can't make myself be perfect, because, no matter how hard I work, I can't make myself better. </div><div><br /></div><div>Recently I've started thinking about buying a house, and in general, whenever I think about it, I get overwhelmed and wish that I were married so the decision wasn't just mine. When I think about having a house, I get nervous thinking about taking care of it by myself. But, when I think about my sin, I get frustrated that I can't handle it on my own. I crave self-sufficiency in areas of my life where it's impossible to have it, areas where it is unnecessary, and I fear it in places where it is possible. </div></div><div><br /></div><div>I guess all that goes to show me just how much I need Jesus. Just how messed up I am. Just how thankful I should be. And just how much I really don't get it.</div>smalltownsinglegirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04909156080415764379noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3565256693916024576.post-24849861522651484212011-04-15T13:40:00.003-04:002011-04-15T13:59:25.860-04:00Psalm 7:17 Friday XVI will give to the Lord the thanks due to his righteousness, and I will sing praise to the name of the Lord, the Most High.<div>-Psalm 7:17</div><div><br /></div><div>Obviously I was upset this morning, and I was getting even more upset because I was upset. I know that doesn't make much sense, but whenever I start to feel upset or sad or jealous or anything really (except for happy), I start to beat myself up for not having some sort of super emotion control. It's like I have this idea of how I should feel, and if it doesn't match with how I really feel, I start to feel like a failure. This morning, as I was going on an on about being mad at myself for having stupid feelings, one of my friends told me I can't make myself stop feeling and I can't make myself feel guilty for having feelings. She told me to just let myself feel it for a while and move on. So that's what I did...hence my post from earlier today...that was me letting myself feel. And, just like my wise friend said, it made me feel much better, and it helped me move on. So, on to a much happier post!</div><div><br /></div><div><b>Things I am Thankful for This Week</b></div><div><b><br /></b></div><div>-getting to go to my brother's baseball game</div><div>-my mom (it's her birthday!)</div><div>-friends at work who bring me Starbucks and who will pick me up from the car place in the mornings so I can get my oil changed</div><div>-SPRING BREAK IS NEXT WEEK!! I plan to do a lot of reading, writing, cooking, and napping. </div><div>-Honesty and encouragement from my Bible study girls</div><div>-All my friends who put up with me--because I'm kind of a total roller coaster</div><div>-Seeing my grandparents on Wednesday</div><div>-Fried squash made by my Nana</div><div>-My cool <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Tervis</span> Tumbler that I got at the Masters last week, which has made me drink more water than Diet Coke at school this week</div><div>-8<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">th</span> graders</div><div>-Tim Keller's new book about Jesus, <i>King's Cross, </i>and the Amazon gift card my friend gave me for my birthday that let me buy it</div><div>-Working at a school that had a teacher flash mob in the gym this morning...yes, we danced to the song "Friday."</div>smalltownsinglegirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04909156080415764379noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3565256693916024576.post-68410902982178646022011-04-15T08:40:00.002-04:002011-04-15T08:57:41.507-04:00Life's Not Fair.And that makes me really mad sometimes. Especially when I can look around and see other people who have everything I want. And when people I know keep getting the things I really want while I have to sit back and get none of them at all. And when I've lost count of how many times that has happened to me because it happens with everything and I've gotten to a place where every time I want something I just expect it to come to someone else so I'm not surprised when it happens, I'm just really, really discouraged and sad. And then I'm left sitting in a classroom full of students just trying really hard not to cry and wondering if God really loves me because it just doesn't feel that way.<div><br /></div><div>Even though I know it's wrong to feel that way, I do. And even though I'm sure the people in my life who keep getting the things I want have their own problems, I don't really care, and it doesn't make me feel any better. And even though I know God has already given me more than I deserve, I kind of just wish He would throw me a bone or something and just give me one thing from my list, just once. And even though I logically know that He's doing what's best for me, I can't logic away my feelings or turn them off or control them automatically. And that makes me really angry.</div><div><br /></div><div>And I'm fully aware of just how full of sin my post is, and I'm working on it. But sometimes I'm just too tired of dealing with it and trying to pretend like I'm on top of everything and not struggling, and today is one of those days. Thankfully next week is Spring Break...too bad I can't get the week off from sin too.</div>smalltownsinglegirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04909156080415764379noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3565256693916024576.post-8883697815107360772011-04-14T09:23:00.002-04:002011-04-14T11:34:08.288-04:00Perfect PlanningIn talking to a lot of my friends this week, it dawned on me how pretty much everyone has something in their life that they wish were different. Even if they're super content, people still have lapses where they really wish their life looked a certain way. Lately, I've been in somewhat of a lapse. <div><br /></div><div>When I was younger, I had this vision of what my life would look like, and sometimes I really still want that. In my vision, I was some amazingly chic girl who lived in a city and had some fabulous job where she made lots of money and could get all sorts of fabulous things and who had a fabulous husband that she always did fabulous things with like going to dinner at cool restaurants every night, going to shows, and traveling to all kinds of amazing places. </div><div><br /></div><div>Right now, I'm a single middle-school teacher who lives in a small Southern town with her mom, step-dad, and seven-year-old brother. It's basically the exact opposite of what I dreamed of. So opposite that I use a version of it as an example when I'm teaching my students about irony.</div><div><br /></div><div>Whenever you graduate from anything, people like to give you stuff with Jeremiah 29:11 all over it: "'For I know the plans that I have for you' declares the Lord, 'plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.'" I guess this is a nice thing to tell people, but in general I feel like kids going off to college tend to have some kind of plan figured out (although it usually changes). They feel like they have the whole world in front of them, and they tend to be pretty optimistic about their life and how it is going to turn out. People also say this verse when something really big (usually bad) happens to someone--kind of like this "yeah, I know this is really terrible, but it's God's plan, so it's what's best for you." There's nothing wrong with that either--we need to be reminded of it during difficult times. </div><div><br /></div><div>But I think people really need to hear this verse more when they get older and they have those moments when they start to think to themselves, "Hey, my life shouldn't be this way." The moments when they look around at what they're doing and feel like it's small, unimportant stuff. The moments when they feel like no one sees or appreciates them. The ones where they start to feel a little useless or like they deserve something more. The ones where they start to think about what kind of life would really make them happy--and it's not the one they're living. We need to be reminded that God's plan is just as present in the mundane things as it is in the big stuff.</div><div><br /></div><div>The thing about seeing God's plan in the mundane is that if we take the time to look, we can usually see reasons why God is right and we are wrong. This isn't always the case with the big stuff; God's reasons aren't usually as obvious when we're there. Like my student whose dad just died--it's hard to see the reasons for that. But the fact that I'm single, that I'm a teacher, that I just moved back home, if I take the time to think about it, I can see so many reasons why that's best for me, why it's better for me than being some cool, married, urban girl. Why I like it more than I would like my other life. To prove that, I started to think of a list why the place I am is exactly the place I'm supposed to be.</div><div><br /></div><div><b>Reasons Why, if You are Me, it is Great to be a Single Teacher Who Lives at Home</b></div><div><b><br /></b></div><div>1) If I lived somewhere else, I would go to a different church. And if I did that, I wouldn't have been in my Bible study for the past year and a half. The girls in my group have been some of the biggest blessings to me. They have put up with me complaining/melting down over a lot of things, and they always listen and encourage me. </div><div><br /></div><div>2) My mom is amazing. She went out of town for a day yesterday, and I was sad when I got home because I didn't get to see her. It's really great to go home after a long day and know that she'll be there waiting for me with a hug.</div><div><br /></div><div>3) I get to see my little brother grow up. He gets excited when I get home. I get to go to his soccer, basketball, and baseball games. I get to play Transformers, and cars, and build stuff out of <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Legos</span>. </div><div><br /></div><div>4) I'm close to my family and get to see them often.</div><div><br /></div><div>5) I work at a great school with great people. Some of my closest friends now are people I work with, and a lot of them are Christians so I can go in their rooms in the mornings or afternoons if I'm having a hard day and know that they will speak truth to me. It is wonderful.</div><div><br /></div><div>6) Students! I'm not going to lie, it is nice when you go to work everyday and people are excited to see you. Especially when they are middle <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">schoolers</span> and they smile and run down the hall to hug you in the mornings. And when they go on to 8<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">th</span> grade but still come back to the 7<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">th</span> grade hall and see you. But, it's even greater when you can see them grow over the course of the year. I have several students this year who started off as struggling <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">ELA</span> students. This week we have been writing analytical essays on novels they read in class. One of these students in particular is doing an amazing job. He was the only one in his class to write his own thesis, and he is finding great quotes to support it and thinking deeply about his book. I am so proud! It's also really fun to go to all their games and performances and see how talented they are and to see how much it means to them and know God is using me to make a difference in their lives.</div><div><br /></div><div>7) Reading! I get to read at work. And I get to help kids pick out books. And I get to see kids turn in to readers!</div><div><br /></div><div>8) Time. Because I'm single, I have a lot of flexibility with my time. I can serve people in ways that my married friends and my friends with kids can't. The time I would spend working on my relationship with my husband can be spread around to lots of relationships--with my family, my friends, and my students. And I have lots of time for myself. Just last week I was talking to one of my married friends about how busy I have been lately. I was telling her about how I had spent time with my brother, gotten coffee with a friend, gone to several baseball games to see students, done <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">homebound</span> with one of my students who is out, gone to see a friend who was going through a hard time, plus a bunch of other stuff (like work and meetings....). Her response was "Yeah, you wouldn't be able to do all of that if you were married." Since I'm single, God can use me to love tons of different people.</div><div><br /></div><div>So see, God knows exactly what He's doing. He knows me better than I know myself. And while I sometimes question it, His plan is perfect, and I am right where I should be. </div><div><br /></div>smalltownsinglegirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04909156080415764379noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3565256693916024576.post-7030874657279613182011-04-10T19:41:00.002-04:002011-04-10T19:46:52.417-04:00Psalm 7:17 Friday XIV Weekend EditionI will give to the Lord the thanks due to his righteousness, and I will sing praise to the name of the Lord, the Most High.<div>-Psalm 7:17</div><div><br /></div><div><b>Things I am Thankful for This Week</b></div><div><b><br /></b></div><div>-a fun brother/sister weekend with my little brother that included a trip to the children's museum, taking him to one of my favorite restaurants for the first time, and letting him eat way too much ice cream at Marble Slab</div><div>-My first trip to the Masters</div><div>-Quality time with friends</div><div>-Seeing my little sister</div><div>-Finally getting some down time on Saturday morning</div><div>-the 4th book in the Mortal Instruments series</div><div>-One week until Spring Break</div><div>-Aloe for my sunburn</div><div><br /></div><div>And a list from my brother....</div><div>-Jesus</div><div>-Mom</div><div>-Dad</div><div>-My sisters and my brother</div><div><br /></div>smalltownsinglegirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04909156080415764379noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3565256693916024576.post-78415096542105500532011-04-07T21:54:00.004-04:002011-04-07T22:25:43.746-04:00Taking a Break/Observations from AugustaI, like I feel a lot of Southern people, get really excited about the Masters. The course is beautiful, the CBS music is great, it marks the start of Spring. Generally speaking, it's pretty great. But, until yesterday, I had never been. <div><br /></div><div>A few weeks ago, my best friend called and asked if I would like to go with her to yesterday's practice round and Par 3 contest. Of course, I jumped at the chance to make my first trip to Augusta National and see all the beautiful stuff I've been watching on tv forever. And the timing could not have been more perfect. I've had an insane past few weeks. They've been filled with meetings, third quarter grades, doing homebound instruction, a fun brother-sister weekend with my little brother, and two people close to me losing family members. With the exception of my birthday last week, when I came home right after school and put on pajamas, the earliest I've gotten home is around 8:00. For an introvert like me, being away from home and with people for 12 hours a day for over 2 weeks is pretty exhausting. In short, I needed a day off. </div><div><br /></div><div>Going with my friend and her mom to Augusta was just the break I needed. It's beautiful there...seriously one of the most beautiful places I've ever been. Everything is basically perfect. It's kind of like the cleanest theme park you could think...except that it's really quiet because everyone whispers, which when you work with seventh graders who don't get the idea of an "inside voice," is absolutely wonderful, and there aren't rides, you just get to walk and sit all day. And, the food is really good. With the exception of my now major sunburn, it was an all-around perfect day. </div><div><br /></div><div>As we were driving home yesterday, I thought about God and how before I was born He knew everything about my life and how that plan is perfect. And I thought about how He knew that I was going to meet my best friend when we were in 5th grade after our moms met at Parent Night. And I thought about how He knew all about what my last two weeks would be like and how much I would need a day off....and He started arranging it 16 years ago. And as wonderful as my day at the Masters was, that's even better.</div><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">***************</div><div>Here are a few fun observations from my day trip to Augusta:</div><div><br /></div><div>1) One great thing about the Masters is that it is one of the few (maybe the only) times where the line for the men's room is longer than the line for the women's.</div><div>2) The Par 3 Contest is really fun because the golfers pick fun people to caddy for them. That means that some pick friends, or wives, or moms, but the really cool ones pick their kids. So, you get to watch little kids run around in caddy outfits, which just may be the cutest thing I've ever seen. </div><div>3) I think I am maybe supposed to marry a professional golfer so that I can spend my life walking around golf courses and watching people golf. It's very relaxing.</div><div>4) Ian Poulter is taller than he looks on tv. (Plus he's British and had his mom caddying for him, which was really cute....but none of those things have anything to do with observation number 3....)</div><div>5) It's really fun to drink a beer with your best friend's mom at 12:00 on a school day when you know your co-workers are probably in a meeting during their planning period.</div><div>6) I really should use more sunscreen than I do...or invent some magic way to not miss/forget places like my neck.</div><div>7) The course at Augusta National is a lot hillier than it looks on tv.</div><div>8) Some women think of golfers the way most people think about rock stars. If you don't believe me, here's a story:</div><div>My friend and I were waiting to watch Fred Couples, Ricky Fowler, and Phil Mickelson at the 10th tee. Two women, who looked to be about my mom's age, rushed over, stood in front of us, and immediately started talking about how good looking they think Phil Mickelson is. They were like giddy school girls talking about a cute boy (which is something I'm kind of an expert on since I see it basically on a daily basis). As they were talking, the woman in front of them turned around, looked at them, and said (this is a direct quote; I'm not kidding), "Just wait until you see him swing."</div><div>I had to hide behind my friend because I started laughing at them....</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div> </div>smalltownsinglegirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04909156080415764379noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3565256693916024576.post-52244040019228878112011-04-01T08:52:00.002-04:002011-04-01T12:00:55.501-04:00Psalm 7:17 Friday XIIII will give to the Lord the thanks due to his righteousness, and I will sing praise to the name of the Lord, the Most High.<div>-Psalm 7:17</div><div><br /></div><div><b>Things I am Thankful for This Week</b></div><div><b><br /></b></div><div>Before I start my list, let me just start by saying that this week was a pretty difficult week. One of my close friends lost her older brother in a car accident, and Wednesday marked 15 years since I lost my dad. Needless to say, I'm feeling a little emotionally exhausted today, so it's really good for me to think of things I'm thankful for. But perhaps what I am most thankful for this week is the reminder that God is with us in everything and that His grace is sufficient for us.</div><div><br /></div><div>-turning 27</div><div>-tons of fantastic presents from my friends who obviously know me quite well....they managed to cover the three great loves of my life: reading, cooking, and music</div><div>-rereading one of my favorite books (and reading the notes I've left in the margins)</div><div>-my job because I work with people who genuinely care about each other</div><div>-my little brother who told me this week he doesn't want me to buy a house because he wants me to live with him forever</div><div>-seeing my students grow as writers</div><div>-<i>Ramona and Beezus</i>, which was a totally adorable movie</div><div>-friends who are willing to reschedule things to go with me to funerals that are out of town so that I don't have to drive myself while crying</div><div>-Getting to see 2 Corinthians 1:3-7 be true in my life:</div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; "><span class="Apple-style-span" ><sup class="versenum" id="en-NIV-28804" style="line-height: normal; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: text-top; ">3</sup> Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, <sup class="versenum" id="en-NIV-28805" style="line-height: normal; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: text-top; ">4</sup> who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. <sup class="versenum" id="en-NIV-28806" style="line-height: normal; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: text-top; ">5</sup> For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ. <sup class="versenum" id="en-NIV-28807" style="line-height: normal; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: text-top; ">6</sup> If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. <sup class="versenum" id="en-NIV-28808" style="line-height: normal; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: text-top; ">7</sup> And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.</span></span></div>smalltownsinglegirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04909156080415764379noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3565256693916024576.post-22367348763483545032011-03-26T21:50:00.002-04:002011-03-26T21:58:40.498-04:00Psalm 7:17 Friday XIII will give to the Lord the thanks due to his righteousness, and I will sing praise to the name of the Lord, the Most High.<div>-Psalm 7:17</div><div><br /></div><div><b>Things I am Thankful for This Week</b></div><div>-my little brother (When my older sister asked him if he wanted me to get my own house so that he could come over and spend the night, he said, "No. I want her to live with me forever.")</div><div>-Friends who give me Doritos at school on Friday afternoons after a long week</div><div>-9 weeks left in the school year</div><div>-Spring sports--that means I get to go to soccer and baseball games</div><div>-really good and exciting NCAA tournament games (although my bracket is not as thankful as I am....)</div><div>-Episodes of <i>My So-Called Life</i> instantly on <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Netflix</span></div><div>-birthday dinner with my family</div><div>-birthday pound cake made by my Nana</div><div>-<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">Legos</span>--amazing stress relief I would never have found if not for my brother</div><div>-Opportunities to love my students this week, including going to their games and making hospital visits</div><div>-Having a car and being able to drive--driving to the hospital this week, which is about a 30-minute drive, and back home for a soccer game and a meeting, all I could think about was how I wouldn't have been able to do that when I lived in Moscow and had to take public transportation/walk everywhere</div><div>-dinner with friends</div><div>-new jeans</div><div>-finishing my 6<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">th</span> book of the Bible</div><div>-my new Hebrew-Greek Key Word Study Bible--I don't know how a word nerd like me made it so long without one</div>smalltownsinglegirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04909156080415764379noreply@blogger.com0