1) Wear a Twilight-related shirt
If you are an adult woman, you should not be wearing a shirt with Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart, or Taylor Lautner on it. (Because that's who is on the shirts--that's Robert Pattinson's face, not Edward Cullen's. He's a fictional character in a book that isn't illustrated and as such doesn't actually have a face that can be screen printed onto fabrics for you to wear.) No one needs to know if you belong to Team Edward or Team Jacob, which brings me to the next thing on my list.
2) Have an actual serious conversation in the bathroom about if you belong to Team Edward or Team Jacob
My little sister returned from the bathroom and told me this story: A girl in a New Moon shirt looked at a girl wearing a shirt that said, "Don't Make Me Choose." I assume this sentiment was not sufficient for New Moon girl because she gave Don't Make Me Choose girl a serious look and asked, "No seriously, who are you for?" (Again, I digress. What's with the team thing. Because teams involve some kind of fighting or battle, and during the only battles that really matter in those books--battles against crazy, people-eating vampires, technically Edward and Jacob are on the same side. Fights over girls don't really count, and sides should not be taken in such cases....especially when it is so obvious who is going to win. I mean, Team Jacob people, let's be honest, why not get shirts that say "I lose.") After some thought, Don't Make Me Choose girl finally responded, "Edward. He's better for her."
(Now I know you're probably thinking I'm a hypocrite because if I'm going to the movies at midnight, I obviously kind of love Twilight. This is true, although I do sometimes try and use my job as an excuse--middle school girls love this stuff and I need to know my demographic. But I do know when to reign it in. I have actually had the Team conversation, and I have to say it is a minor source of friction between my sisters and me. My little sister is firmly planted in Team Jacob. I think this is where she belongs because she has circulation issues so her feet and hands are always cold. Jacob is 108 degrees. My older sister is firmly planted in Team Edward because she thinks Robert Pattinson is dreamy and I guess thinks it's romantic for a boy to be obsessed with you and sneak into your room all the time to watch you sleep. My personal opinion is a bit more complex--partially because I'm a book nerd so I think that the choice should be solely based on what happens in the books, not Robert Pattinson's hair or Taylor Lautner's abs. If I'm making a choice for Bella, I have to go with Team Edward because I find her kind of annoying and him really mopey and I think they deserve each other. If I'm making a choice for me, I have to go with Team Jacob because he's warm all the time, taller, and let's be honest, it would be great if someone imprinted on you. My sisters think this is a cop out answer....I think it makes perfect sense.)
3) Watch the Eclipse preview on a cell phone while sitting in the theater
I wish I was joking about this, but I'm not. Two girls sitting down the row from us were watching the Eclipse preview on one of the girl's cell phones. Seriously. The movie is going to start in about 20 minutes. Why are you watching the preview? Surely you know what it's about or you wouldn't have come to the midnight show. Are you really that into it that you have to watch the preview at regular intervals to get your fix (is the Eclipse preview your brand of heroin)?
Much to my surprise, I actually really enjoyed the movie. But, if you're going to go, make sure you read the book first. And you should probably decide which team you're on so you don't get stuck in the bathroom being asked a question that you're not prepared to answer.
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