Is There a Remedial Class for Life? Because I Should Probably Be in It

I think that if I ever wrote a book about my life, it would have to be titled something like All the Ways I Missed the Obvious or Things That Make Perfect Sense That I Didn't Understand. To be honest, I would probably spend multiple days to think of a more witty way to say it, but the sentiment would be the same as the boring, previously stated titles. I tend to live inside my own head. It is a place where, I'm starting to realize more and more each day, things don't make sense at all. I somehow manage to convince myself that some things are true, but when I say them out loud or think about them for awhile, I realize they are incredibly not true. In fact, many times they are so untrue that they're borderline stupid.

Example:

As recently chronicled, I haven't been super-satisfied being single lately. And, I've been praying more. I had a bit of a crisis about praying about not wanting to be single anymore. I felt like it was just easier for me to spend time convincing myself that being single was so fun, so great for me, and that I totally loved it. Because praying about it, asking for a change, would be admitting that I wanted it to change. And it meant that I would be opening myself up for disappointment. In my mind, if I prayed about it and stayed single forever, then I would feel sad and disappointed forever. Who wants to feel sad forever? Not me. So, based on that, I felt like praying about getting married wasn't for me. I would rather just pretend I didn't want it. Because that makes sense....?

I started praying about it anyway because my book said that I should pray about stuff and ask for stuff. Plus I wasn't exactly happy with the state of things, so I might as well give it a go. So I start praying and expect two possible outcomes: A) Yes. Here's a superfab boyfriend. Go ahead and start planning your wedding (slash putting into motions all those things you've been planning since you were 5). B) No. Go forth and be sad and lonely for the rest of your life.

In case you haven't figured it out yet, this is the part where I'm stupid.

See, there's a third option. I could pray about it, stay single, but not be so bummed out anymore. This, naturally, is what's happened.

So, I learned quite possibly one of the most obvious lessons of all time. God doesn't want me to live a life where I feel sad all the time. He doesn't want me to feel alone and hopeless. So even if I feel that way, He's not going to just sit back and let me keep feeling that way. Praying about something makes room for God to work in my life. It opens up a part of my heart that I was keeping closed, asks Him in, and lets Him change me. And that's good.

Sure, there was some part of me that kind of hoped that prayer would be like adding water to some instant boyfriend powder and make someone just appear, but even I knew this was very unlikely. What I've gotten has been even better. God is showing me how sufficient He is. He is teaching me that my desire should be for Him and that I can be satisfied in Him. And it has been infinitely better than any human relationship could ever be.