Life's Not Fair.

And that makes me really mad sometimes. Especially when I can look around and see other people who have everything I want. And when people I know keep getting the things I really want while I have to sit back and get none of them at all. And when I've lost count of how many times that has happened to me because it happens with everything and I've gotten to a place where every time I want something I just expect it to come to someone else so I'm not surprised when it happens, I'm just really, really discouraged and sad. And then I'm left sitting in a classroom full of students just trying really hard not to cry and wondering if God really loves me because it just doesn't feel that way.

Even though I know it's wrong to feel that way, I do. And even though I'm sure the people in my life who keep getting the things I want have their own problems, I don't really care, and it doesn't make me feel any better. And even though I know God has already given me more than I deserve, I kind of just wish He would throw me a bone or something and just give me one thing from my list, just once. And even though I logically know that He's doing what's best for me, I can't logic away my feelings or turn them off or control them automatically. And that makes me really angry.

And I'm fully aware of just how full of sin my post is, and I'm working on it. But sometimes I'm just too tired of dealing with it and trying to pretend like I'm on top of everything and not struggling, and today is one of those days. Thankfully next week is Spring Break...too bad I can't get the week off from sin too.