Metaphorically Speaking (Flat Tire 3.0)

My goal for the year is to read the entire Bible, and I've mentioned some Old Testament stuff over the past few weeks. But my One-Year Bible has readings from the New Testament every day too (plus some stuff from Psalms and Proverbs...but that's beside the point). Yesterday I read the part from Matthew 13 about the parable of the sowers (you know, the one with the seeds falling on all different types of ground). What caught my attention was not the seed story, but what came after it. Basically, the disciples ask Jesus why He goes around speaking to people in parables all the time. His response is basically that certain people-who have been given the secrets of the kingdom of heaven--see and hear (understand the parables) but others don't. It's kind of like certain people are blessed to get the meaning behind the story.

Now, being an English teacher with and English degree, I'm all about some super-secret hidden meanings. And I'm all about life's figurative language. God knows this about me, so sometimes I get the feeling that a lot of the stuff that happens to me is best viewed as some kind of spiritual metaphor designed to teach me something.

Yesterday I got a flat tire, and not just a normal flat tire. I got an extremely difficult and challenging flat tire. With the aide of my mom and a very helpful tow truck driver, I got my car to my friendly neighborhood tire and automotive place. I had called them twice to explain my predicament and let them know my poor stubborn car was coming their way after school. As I was talking with one of the guys who works there, he said maybe the most wonderful words I've ever heard in my life. (And I mean that. I really feel like I could be proposed to one day, and in comparison to these words, the proposal would be the second-best thing I've ever heard.) He told me that he could not only take off the offending locking lug nut that was holding my flat tire hostage, he could take off ALL FOUR and replace them with normal, non-locking 0nes! (Translation: No more locking lug nuts, which means no more stuck flat tires! No more emptying out my trunk and getting out all the tools and jacking up my car...or watching someone do that for me...only to realize the tire can't be taken off!)

I know it may seem obvious, but it never even occurred to me to have that done. In my mind, I was going to have to use my Saturday morning to drive to the Mazda dealer and get a new key (that would probably just disappear if I ever got another flat tire). In my mind, I was going to lose half of my Saturday and still be doomed to an uncertain flat tire future. With his obvious, simple suggestion, Stephen--car guy extraordinaire and my official new hero and favorite person ever (which, don't worry, I told him he was)--lifted a huge, anxiety-causing burden from my car-problem-fearing shoulders. When I left the car place yesterday, I had a patched tire and no more locking lug nuts. It felt like Christmas and my birthday all rolled into one. It was amazing. I can't remember the last time I felt that thankful for anything. (I admit that the last sentence makes me seem totally lame...but I'm not afraid to own up to the truth of it. And I think that to fully understand my excitement, one has to know the entire version of my first flat tire story, which involves a sketchy bowling alley, my trunk full of stuff, a tow truck, and a four-hour wait at a Mazda dealership.) Seriously, I was so thankful that last night when I got home from my little brother's birthday dinner, I baked cookies to take to car Stephen today when I went back to have the new lug nuts put on after school. (Yes I baked cookies.)

Last night as I was baking, I couldn't help but think about my response to getting rid of the locking lug nuts. Overwhelming gratitude and cookies. And I started to feel convicted because I couldn't remember the last time I felt that way about God forgiving me for my sin. And it dawned on me that I was right in the middle of one of my real-life metaphors. My flat tire incident is really a frail, dim metaphor for my forgiveness.

No matter what I do on my own, no matter how many people try to help me, there's no way I can rid myself of my sin. Just like there was no way I was changing my tire yesterday without expert help. When what I need is to be forgiven, God goes above and beyond and gives me forgiveness, everlasting and unchanging love, and one day Heaven. Just like the car guys took off all four lug nuts instead of just one. And just like the burden of locking lug nuts was taken away from me forever, so too is the infinitely heavier burden of my sin taken away through Christ's sacrifice for me on the cross.

If my flat tire is a weak symbol of my sin, logic would suggest that my response to my forgiveness should far outshine my response to getting new lug nuts. But it doesn't. To be honest, most days it doesn't really cross my mind. Most days I don't tell Jesus that He's my hero. And I don't tell my friends Jesus is my favorite person ever. And I'm not moved to give to Him (or bake Him cookies....).

So, not only am I thankful for my flat tire because it showed me that I'm not alone, I'm thankful for my flat tire because God used it to teach me about gratitude. He used it to remind me of exactly what I have to be thankful for. He used it to remind me that I'm one of the blessed ones whose eyes see and whose ears hear. He used it to remind me that He has taken away my true burden. And He used it to remind me of what the proper response to that looks like.

Flat Tire 2.0

I should learn not to blog until situations are fully resolved. My tires have a special lug nut, which means you have to have a key to get the tire off in order to put on the spare. I got a flat tire once in college. It turned out to be a long, epic ordeal because the key needed to take the flat off was not in my car. It involved having my car towed to my local Mazda dealer. It was not good. But, the good part was that the service guy put a key in with my spare tire parts so that if I ever got another flat tire, I wouldn't have the same problem. So today, I was anticipating an easy fix. But, I forgot to take into account that I am me.

One of my friends came up to my school during my planning today to put my spare tire on. We got out all the tools (which I haven't seen since my last spare tire fiasco years ago), and the magical key was missing yet again. The only thing I can think of that may have happened was that when I got new tires 3 years ago, the technician didn't put the key back where it belonged. So that left me with a flat tire and no way to get it off.

My friend started walking around the parking lot looking at tires to see if anyone had a special anti-theft lug nut that looked like mine. One car did, so I interrupted this teacher's class to borrow her keys. We got out her key, but it didn't work. So now, I am stuck at school and have to deal with my worst class before I can have a tow truck come and tow my poor car to my local automotive place where they will hopefully be able to get the flat off. (I called, and the guy assured me that he could.) In short, it isn't turning out to be my day....and it is getting more difficult for me to not feel sorry for myself. I don't really know how a husband would help in this situation...because he wouldn't be able to magic off the flat tire...but alas, that fact doesn't change how I feel. (I think I assume he would swoop in and handle everything, and I wouldn't have to think about it--I don't like having to handle things.) So, here's a new list of truth:

1) As stated in the last post, I could be on the side of the road somewhere.

2) My mom lives close to me and is willing to call a tow truck and come meet it this afternoon. Even though she is sick and it is my brother's birthday.

3) I teach with people who don't mind if I interrupt their classes to borrow their car keys for very odd reasons.

4) I work with friends who are willing to stay after school with me and then drive me to the automotive place (where they may have to wait with me some more).

5) This is not the end of the world. God still loves me. It will me ok.

Flat Tire

For a few reasons, I was feeling particularly lonely yesterday afternoon after school. I recently bought a book by Angela Thomas called Do You Know Who I Am?. The basic premise of the book is that for each chapter she focuses on a question women often have about whether God really knows them, and then she writes about an aspect of God that answers each question. Last night, I decided to go ahead and skip to the middle to the chapter titled "Do You Know I am Lonely?" It talked about how Christ knew loneliness, so He understands and about how our deepest longing can only be satisfied in Him. After reading it, I felt much better and had a new resolve to believe in things that are true rather than in my feelings. I came to school this morning decidedly set on not feeling lonely. I was prepared and ready to go.

If you've been reading the blog for a while, you may remember what I like to fondly refer to as the Epic Meltdown of Spring 2010. All my negative emotions came to a head when my car wouldn't start one morning. For some reason, car issues make me feel more alone than just about anything. I don't know why. So, the last thing I needed on my I'm-not-going-to-feel-lonely day was for anything to be wrong with my car. If there's anything I've learned from reading the Old Testament lately it's that God isn't afraid to test people and ask for big things (see Abraham almost sacrificing Isaac), so I shouldn't have been surprised when one of my fellow teachers found me this morning and told me he noticed my back passenger tire was going flat. Because I am me, this makes me want to cry. But if Job can praise God after losing his entire family, surely I can survive a flat tire...right?

At first, I naturally began my spiral downward into woe-is-me-I'm-single land, a place I am all to familiar with. My resolve was quickly fading, and I was starting to feel pretty lonely. But God hasn't called me to be lonely. And this was a test of my trust in Him. I had to decide if I was going to let myself go and follow my feelings or if I was going to battle those feelings with truth. I decided to go with truth. So here's a list of truth:

1) I got the flat tire at school where there are people who can help. I didn't get it in some random parking lot, over the weekend when people were busy or out or town, or just randomly on the side of the road somewhere. If I'm going to get a flat tire, this is probably the best place for it.

2) Before the time the bell rang this morning, two people had already offered to help me fix my tire (one of them offered up her AAA and her husband as assistance). My co-worker who noticed it basically just said, "Your tire is flat. I'll change it during planning." I didn't have to ask or anything.

3) I felt bad about someone having to do it in the middle of the workday, so I sent a text to one of my friends stating that I had a "flat tire situation." His response was "How can I help?"

4) God isn't going to give me anything that I can't bear. He loves me. He will take care of me.

5) Really, it is just a flat tire, which in the scheme of things is not bad at all.

Looking at that list, it is glaringly obvious to me that I am not alone. When I look at the truth, I see that a situation I originally felt was a real test was instead an opportunity for God to demonstrate His love and faithfulness to me. God has blessed me with the Holy Spirit, who gives me the strength to choose truth over feelings. He has blessed me with caring friends and co-workers, and today He is using them to ease my feelings of loneliness. So instead of being angry and bitter over my flat tire, I am thankful for it. For the lesson it has taught me. For how it has made me feel incredibly loved.

Golden Globe Rundown

First off, thanks to Phil the Mac Genius at the Apple store, I am back to blogging on my beloved Mac (although I did have to get a new hard drive...boo). I'm pretty excited to be home! But, a word to the wise, make sure you back up your computers in case your hard drive decides to go crazy like mine did. (Thankfully, I had almost everything backed up...except for some pictures...but thanks to an amazing friend I was able to get most of those back!)

Anyway, on to the original topic for the post, I kind of love movies, so I get really excited for awards shows. I don't really know why, and I know it's pretty weird, but it's true. Usually, I try to see as many of the nominated movies as I can before the shows so that I can be justifiably excited or upset. The Golden Globes are tonight, and thanks to a movie-marathon weekend with my younger sister, I was able to get in all the movies nominated for Best Picture in the Drama category (we made it in just under the wire with a matinee showing of The Fighter today). Here are the nominated movies in order of my preference (and I'll say that 1 and 5 were easy for me--but 2-4 was really difficult):

1) The Fighter

With apologies to my older sister, who didn't really like this movie, I thought this was one of the best movies I have seen in a long time. Christian Bale, who I have loved since I was a kid and saw Newsies and Little Women, is absolutely phenomenal--if he doesn't win for Best Supporting Actor, I will be shocked. The first half of the movie is really sad and hard to watch, but then it hits rock bottom and comes back. It ends up being, I think, a hopeful and inspirational story about family and redemption. I cared about the characters and desperately wanted Mark Whalberg's character Micky (with no e) to succeed. My heart broke when he lost a fight, and I cringed in my seat and hid my eyes during the fight scenes whenever he took a punch. I haven't wanted anything in a long time the way I wanted Christian Bale's character to not start using drugs again after he got out of jail. That's one of my big tests for movies--do I care about the characters? Does what happens to them matter to me? This movie passed that test with flying colors. It does have some pretty bad language and some drug use, but overall I loved it. (It also passes my younger sister's and my DVD test--I will buy this movie on DVD probably as soon as it comes out.)

2) The King's Speech

This movie beat out Inception and The Social Network for the #2 spot mainly because it is the only one of the three that I thought was happy. Colin Firth is amazing in it (I wouldn't be surprised if he won Best Actor)...as is Geoffrey Rush. Helena Bonham Carter also turned in an amazing performance. It was surprisingly funny. Of all the movies nominated, this is the only one that I would say could be labeled a "feel-good" movie. I would say it is the most enjoyable of the five nominated films.

3) Inception

In a year when 3 of the 5 nominated movies are based on true stories, this movie kind of needed it's own category. It's really difficult to compare it to movies based on fact. As far as I'm concerned, Christopher Nolan is a genius, and I love every movie he makes. I also love movies that make you think...a lot...and this one does. I just watched it for the second time, and I think that time through I finally got everything that was happening. I loved all the special effects, loved Ellen Page, and loved Joseph Gordon-Levitt.

4) The Social Network

I think this is the saddest movie I have ever seen. Ever. I'm serious. It's the story of how facebook was started (although Mark Zuckerburg didn't really have anything to do with it--the movie--obviously he had everything to do with facebook). Basically he wants to do something great so he will become popular. And he ends up with basically no friends. It's horribly depressing. There's not one real, authentic, lasting relationship in the whole movie. It does, however, make what I think is a rather strong statement about the changes in human interaction that the increase in technology has caused in our culture and about how facebook has devalued and diluted the definition of the word friend. Because of the timely nature of its social statement, I think this movie will probably win (it did win the Critic's Choice Award for Best Picture already). And although I think Colin Firth will win, I wouldn't be shocked if Jesse Eisenberg did.

5) Black Swan

If one of your best friends, who has almost identical taste in movies and tv as you do, tells you not to see a movie, listen to him or her. Seriously. I beg you. Listen. I didn't, and I went to see this movie anyway. It's disturbing. And confusing because Natalie Portman's character basically goes crazy. There's no real, prolonged conversations between anyone, so you're never really sure what's going on. My favorite thing about the movie was Mila Kunis; she was great. If she was in it more, I probably would have liked it more. (I want her to win for Best Supporting Actress, but I don't think she will.) Natalie Portman will probably win for Best Actress. I guess she deserves it...she did do a pretty decent job of pretending to lose her mind. And she did have to work really hard and learn ballet.

Just a few other notes/opinions on who I want to win things....

--Jim Parsons should win for being Sheldon in Big Bang Theory because he is hilarious.

--I wish something other than Mad Men would win for Best TV Series Drama. I like Dexter. I try and watch Mad Men, but I don't really get why everyone thinks it's so great. All the episodes I've seen made me sad. I wish Michael C. Hall would win too.

Happy Globes watching!

Psalm 7:17 Friday II

I will give to the Lord the thanks due to his righteousness, and I will sing praise to the name of the Lord, the Most High.

-Psalm 7:17

Things I am Thankful for This Week

--My job. It means that when I'm grading I get to read things like this:

"Another thing that I never gave up on is writing this essay....If I would have given up than I would have made a grade worse than you are about to give me."

And this:

"What was weird was the fact that she kissed him, yes actual kissage....I went over to my friend Graham when all was said and done. 'Did you see what just happened?' he exclaimed. 'She kissed me! And she didn't throw up afterwards!'"

Oh how I love my students!

--Snow!

--Four snow days, which gave me time to rest and finally get over the nagging cold I had had for two weeks.

--Two friends who were willing to drive through the snow to come pick me up so we could hang out during Snow Days 0'11. (And one who drove over the ice to take me home and then drove back to his house then back to my house to bring me my school bag that I had left there.)

--My amazing friend Kristin, who is beyond supportive and encouraging and who gives great advice about new Bible study books. I am so blessed to have her as a friend and as a co-worker

(and as a fellow blogger--check out her blog for her own Psalm 7:17 Friday post).

--The Holy Spirit, who somehow manages to help me take valuable stuff away from all my Old Testament reading.

--God's love for me and His goodness and for how He gives me the desires of my heart (and how He opens my eyes to let me see that it's sometimes in unconventional, but wonderful, ways).

Desire

One of the themes I've noticed in Genesis so far is desire. Eve desires knowledge, so she eats the fruit. Abraham desires a son. Esau desires some stew. In my reading for today, I came across two more examples of desire. They both come from the story of Jacob and his wife....I mean wives.

If you're not familiar with the story, here's a quick refresher. Isaac tells Jacob he needs to go to his Uncle Laban's house to get a wife. When he gets there, he sees Rachel. He falls in love with her and wants to marry her. Now that you're caught up, let's get back to desires.

Jacob tells Laban that he will serve him for seven years in exchange for Rachel. Laban agrees, so Jacob stays and works for Laban for seven years so that he can marry Rachel. Genesis 29:20 is, in my opinion, one of the cutest verses in the Bible. (I mean, I haven't read the whole thing yet, so once I have, I reserve the right to amend my statement. But for now, it's probably the cutest one.) It says, "So Jacob served seven years for Rachel, and they seemed to him but a few days because of the love he had for her." [Pause for awwws] Aside from being adorable, I think there's something to take away from that verse about desire.

Jacob desires a relationship with Rachel. He wants to be with her. So much so that seven years is nothing. He gladly serves Laban because he knows that once he does, his desire will be fulfilled. I think what I took away from this passage was that desiring and serving often go hand in hand, particularly in regards to relationships. If my goal is to strengthen my relationship with Christ and my desire is for Him, a natural means to that end is service. And not begrudging service, service done with a sense of burden and obligation, but rather joyful service. Service done with a glad heart because the end result, closeness to Christ, is the motivation. Service that makes seven years seem but a few days because of the love I have for Christ.

After Jacob serves for seven years, he's ready to marry Rachel. So he does...or he thinks he does. In actuality, Laban tricks him into marrying Rachel's older sister Leah. Talk about a not-good surprise. I imagine Jacob was pretty upset. I mean, he just worked seven years for a girl, and he gets her sister instead. In the end, he gets to marry Rachel in exchange for serving seven more years. For Rachel, that probably felt pretty good. Here's a guy who was willing to work for fourteen years just to marry you. But think about poor Leah. You've got to live your whole life knowing your husband loves your sister more than he loves you. And in case you had your doubts, it's in the Bible, so it's really true (see Genesis 29:30 "...and he loved Rachel more than Leah....). This is where the second example of desire comes in.

As is often the case with married people, Leah gets pregnant and has a baby. Her response to having a son is "for now my husband will love me" (Gen. 29:32). She has a second son and basically says God gave her a son because her husband doesn't love her. She has a third son and thinks ok, finally this time my husband will love me. Leah, like everyone, has an obvious desire to be loved. And Leah, like pretty much every girl at some time or another, thinks this desire will be fulfilled in her husband. And Leah, like pretty much every girl, learns that her desire to be loved completely can't be totally and perfectly fulfilled in another person, no matter what she does or how many sons she has. See son number four. When he's born, Leah's response is "this time I will praise the Lord" (Gen. 29: 35).

Today I ventured out into the remnants of the winter storm to meet my friend Kristin(who, by the way, has an amazing blog that you should read) for lunch. As we were reading, Kristin mentioned Beth Moore's message from Passion this year. She basically spoke about the difference between "the desires of our hearts" and "the hearts of our desires" and which one we really want more. Is it the object that I want, or is it something deeper behind it? I think a lot of times we focus in on the object, the thing we want, and this gets problematic. I think it can especially get problematic for believers who go to Psalm 37:4 ("Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart") and think that God's going to give us the things we desire most. It's problematic because desires can be met in multiple ways--especially if you think about the why behind your desires. This got me to thinking about perhaps my most well-documented desire lately--the desire to be married.

I asked myself, if I had to look at it deeply, why do I want to be married? What is the heart of that desire? And I realized that it nicely paralleled my observations from Genesis 29. I think the heart of my desire is two-fold.

First, like Leah, I want to know that I am valued, that I am loved, that someone chose me. Like Leah, I have to learn, believe, trust, and rest in the truth that this is something I will only get from the Lord, that His love for me is sufficient, that this part of my desire is perfectly met in Him.

The second part of it has to do with the fact that I like the idea of being a wife. If you go all the way back to the story of Adam and Eve, you see that woman was created to be "a helper fit for man" (Gen. 2:18). The second part of the heart of my desire to be married is a desire to be a support and encouragement to a husband, to be someone who points him to the Lord, helps him learn more about God and his relationship with Him, someone who helps him become the man God calls him to be. This is the service part of my desire. As I thought about it, I realized that God has provided me with a number of people who I can support and encourage. I have amazing friends, an amazing family, co-workers, and students. All of whom need support and encouragement. All of whom need to be reminded of God's love for them and the plan He has for their lives. All of whom need relationships that are intentional and will be instruments that God uses to help them become the people He calls them to be.

Sure, I would love to be married. But if I look closely, a husband is just a thing. The root of my desire is to be loved, like Leah, and to serve out of love, like Jacob. And when I look at my life, God has granted me these desires. He hasn't met them in the way I thought He would when I was a girl, but He has met them nonetheless. And for that I am thankful.

Another Snow Day

School is cancelled again tomorrow. Being the introverted girl that I am, one would assume that getting 4 surprise days off would be amazing for me. Well, two was great. Two and a half, also great. But now, I'm kind of bummed out. Mainly because this means I won't get a day off from students until Spring Break because of severe weather make-up days (which means now is the time for me to get out my calendar and schedule some well-timed personal days). I'm also quite bored--which you may have noticed by my large number of recent posts. In an effort to waste some more time, I have decided to compile a list of things I could do with the rest of my snow time:

1) Go ahead and finish reading through the Bible

2) Finally read The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo

3) Watch the first 3 seasons of Chuck on DVD

4) Make a dent in my Instant Netflix Queue (I do this thing where I look at all the movies you can watch instantly and put them in my queue without, but I spend more time doing that than I do watching them)

5) Take a really, really, really long bath

6) Experiment with my new waffle iron

7) Make some more pancakes

8) Reread the Harry Potter series

9) Finish the Narnia series (typing of which, I recently DVRed Prince Caspian, so I could watch that)

10) Waste a bunch of time making a list so that in actuality I get nothing accomplished