Desire

One of the themes I've noticed in Genesis so far is desire. Eve desires knowledge, so she eats the fruit. Abraham desires a son. Esau desires some stew. In my reading for today, I came across two more examples of desire. They both come from the story of Jacob and his wife....I mean wives.

If you're not familiar with the story, here's a quick refresher. Isaac tells Jacob he needs to go to his Uncle Laban's house to get a wife. When he gets there, he sees Rachel. He falls in love with her and wants to marry her. Now that you're caught up, let's get back to desires.

Jacob tells Laban that he will serve him for seven years in exchange for Rachel. Laban agrees, so Jacob stays and works for Laban for seven years so that he can marry Rachel. Genesis 29:20 is, in my opinion, one of the cutest verses in the Bible. (I mean, I haven't read the whole thing yet, so once I have, I reserve the right to amend my statement. But for now, it's probably the cutest one.) It says, "So Jacob served seven years for Rachel, and they seemed to him but a few days because of the love he had for her." [Pause for awwws] Aside from being adorable, I think there's something to take away from that verse about desire.

Jacob desires a relationship with Rachel. He wants to be with her. So much so that seven years is nothing. He gladly serves Laban because he knows that once he does, his desire will be fulfilled. I think what I took away from this passage was that desiring and serving often go hand in hand, particularly in regards to relationships. If my goal is to strengthen my relationship with Christ and my desire is for Him, a natural means to that end is service. And not begrudging service, service done with a sense of burden and obligation, but rather joyful service. Service done with a glad heart because the end result, closeness to Christ, is the motivation. Service that makes seven years seem but a few days because of the love I have for Christ.

After Jacob serves for seven years, he's ready to marry Rachel. So he does...or he thinks he does. In actuality, Laban tricks him into marrying Rachel's older sister Leah. Talk about a not-good surprise. I imagine Jacob was pretty upset. I mean, he just worked seven years for a girl, and he gets her sister instead. In the end, he gets to marry Rachel in exchange for serving seven more years. For Rachel, that probably felt pretty good. Here's a guy who was willing to work for fourteen years just to marry you. But think about poor Leah. You've got to live your whole life knowing your husband loves your sister more than he loves you. And in case you had your doubts, it's in the Bible, so it's really true (see Genesis 29:30 "...and he loved Rachel more than Leah....). This is where the second example of desire comes in.

As is often the case with married people, Leah gets pregnant and has a baby. Her response to having a son is "for now my husband will love me" (Gen. 29:32). She has a second son and basically says God gave her a son because her husband doesn't love her. She has a third son and thinks ok, finally this time my husband will love me. Leah, like everyone, has an obvious desire to be loved. And Leah, like pretty much every girl at some time or another, thinks this desire will be fulfilled in her husband. And Leah, like pretty much every girl, learns that her desire to be loved completely can't be totally and perfectly fulfilled in another person, no matter what she does or how many sons she has. See son number four. When he's born, Leah's response is "this time I will praise the Lord" (Gen. 29: 35).

Today I ventured out into the remnants of the winter storm to meet my friend Kristin(who, by the way, has an amazing blog that you should read) for lunch. As we were reading, Kristin mentioned Beth Moore's message from Passion this year. She basically spoke about the difference between "the desires of our hearts" and "the hearts of our desires" and which one we really want more. Is it the object that I want, or is it something deeper behind it? I think a lot of times we focus in on the object, the thing we want, and this gets problematic. I think it can especially get problematic for believers who go to Psalm 37:4 ("Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart") and think that God's going to give us the things we desire most. It's problematic because desires can be met in multiple ways--especially if you think about the why behind your desires. This got me to thinking about perhaps my most well-documented desire lately--the desire to be married.

I asked myself, if I had to look at it deeply, why do I want to be married? What is the heart of that desire? And I realized that it nicely paralleled my observations from Genesis 29. I think the heart of my desire is two-fold.

First, like Leah, I want to know that I am valued, that I am loved, that someone chose me. Like Leah, I have to learn, believe, trust, and rest in the truth that this is something I will only get from the Lord, that His love for me is sufficient, that this part of my desire is perfectly met in Him.

The second part of it has to do with the fact that I like the idea of being a wife. If you go all the way back to the story of Adam and Eve, you see that woman was created to be "a helper fit for man" (Gen. 2:18). The second part of the heart of my desire to be married is a desire to be a support and encouragement to a husband, to be someone who points him to the Lord, helps him learn more about God and his relationship with Him, someone who helps him become the man God calls him to be. This is the service part of my desire. As I thought about it, I realized that God has provided me with a number of people who I can support and encourage. I have amazing friends, an amazing family, co-workers, and students. All of whom need support and encouragement. All of whom need to be reminded of God's love for them and the plan He has for their lives. All of whom need relationships that are intentional and will be instruments that God uses to help them become the people He calls them to be.

Sure, I would love to be married. But if I look closely, a husband is just a thing. The root of my desire is to be loved, like Leah, and to serve out of love, like Jacob. And when I look at my life, God has granted me these desires. He hasn't met them in the way I thought He would when I was a girl, but He has met them nonetheless. And for that I am thankful.