The Thing Called Love/Psalm 7:17 Friday I

I would like to start this by saying I got a record player for Christmas, so while I'm writing, I'm listening to records, which makes me feel kind of totally awesome.

As I wrote earlier, this year I'm really going to focus on my relationship with God. Not that I didn't think about our relationship before--I did. I just think my thoughts were incomplete. Somehow I don't think I really exactly got the whole love part of it. I mean, I never doubted that He loves me, and it was never lost on me that He sent His son to die in the greatest act of love ever. That part I got. I think I was missing the desire and the passion part of it. I have plenty of friends who are married, and they generally want to spend time with their husbands. They do stuff without them, but overall, most of the time, they would rather be doing stuff with them. They tend to like things more when their husbands are there. (I know that seems like a somewhat obvious statement because isn't that how it should be, but bear with me, I'm making a point.) I would look at their relationships and couldn't help but feel like that whole I-want-to-be-with-you-all-the-time thing was supposed to be part of my relationship with Christ, but it wasn't really there. (I feel like that's an ok assumption to make because I think that one thing God designed marriage to be is a metaphor for our relationships with Him--I could go into wedding images in the Bible and reference this really great Tim Keller sermon I listened to once where he talked about how marriage is basically designed to point us to God, but I won't.) So, when I say I want to focus on my relationship with Him, that's what I'm talking about because that's the part I don't think has been there. I like Him. I appreciate Him. But I don't really desire Him.

In addition to reading the Bible, I've also been reading Brennan Manning's book The Furious Longing of God. It's basically about how God is crazy in love with us. In the first chapter, he talks about how he began verse 7:10 from Song of Solomon. It reads, "I am my beloved's and his desire is for me." Manning encourages the people reading his book to start praying the verse too, so I did. I prayed that I would begin to see myself as Christ's beloved, as someone Christ desires. And I prayed that I would begin to see Christ as my beloved, as someone I desire. Funny thing, as I've often found happens when we pray Scriptures back to God, the prayers are usually answered.

Anyone who knows me will attest to the fact that I'm not really a morning person. Over the years, I have developed a habit of sleeping until the last possible second. I even have to set two alarm clocks every morning--one by my bed, the other in my bathroom--so that I literally have to get out of bed and walk into another room to turn it off (this doesn't stop me from hitting snooze at least 3 times on each....). I don't wake up earlier than I absolutely have to. For anything. But since I'm trying to read my Bible every day, I decided I would try reading it in the mornings before school. Monday it was pretty easy to get up because it was new and kind of exciting (and because I remembered to set my coffee maker, so there was coffee ready when my alarm went off). I read my daily Bible stuff and read some of the Brennan Manning book and felt pretty good about myself. I also prayed the Song of Solomon verse. Tuesday it was pretty easy too. By Wednesday though, something was different.

If you're a girl, you can probably think of multiple movies where a guy has used some version of the you're-the-first-thing-I-want-to-see-when-I-wake-up line when he's telling a girl how much he loves her or asking her to marry him. It's very sweet, and whenever you hear it you do that thing where you awwww and put your hand over your heart and then use your hand to fan your eyes because you think you might cry because that is just so sweet and if a guy ever said that to you you might just die right then and there because life probably couldn't get any better than that moment. If you're a girl, you know exactly what I'm talking about. Well, usually when my alarm goes off, I get angry because I don't want to get up. But on Wednesday, my alarm went off, and I didn't mind it so much. Instead of my usual anger, all I really felt was excited because that meant I got to spend time with Jesus. I had that you're-the-first-thing-I-want-to-see-when-I-wake-up feeling about Him. I got my coffee and curled back in bed with my Bible. I read my passages for the day and spent some quiet time praying and just being with God. And I felt totally giddy about it--like head-over-heels giddy. I felt like I was in love.

I got ready for school and ran outside to start my car, and when I did, I saw the most amazing sunrise. The sky was a deep, bright pink and streaked with clouds. It caught me a little off guard because it was so beautiful. I skipped back into my house to finish getting ready, and all I could think was "Wow, Jesus loves me. He really loves me." After all, He had just written a love note for me in the sky. As I gathered up my things for school, all I wanted to do was not have to go. And not for the reasons I feel sometimes--it had nothing to do with talkative, unmotivated students. I didn't want to go because I wanted to crawl back into bed, read more of my Bible, and just spend more time with Christ. And I realized that was what I've been really missing. The feeling that I could never get enough of Jesus. And it was a nice feeling.

This morning, I read Psalm 7:17, which says, "I will give to the Lord the thanks due to his righteousness, and I will sing praise to the name of the Lord, the Most High." I don't really do that too often, so I decided that since it's the first Friday of 2011 it would be a good Friday to start a weekly feature on my blog. I decided to call it Psalm 7:17 Friday. So from now on, I'm planning to have a post every Friday where I reflect back on, thank God for, and praise Him for some of the things He did during the week. Here goes....

-A mom who is a beautiful example of a Godly woman, a constant source of support and encouragement, and a shining beacon of God's unconditional love

-The Bible and that some people divided it up into nice daily readings

-Friends who are believers

-Sunrises

-Answered prayers