Flat Tire

For a few reasons, I was feeling particularly lonely yesterday afternoon after school. I recently bought a book by Angela Thomas called Do You Know Who I Am?. The basic premise of the book is that for each chapter she focuses on a question women often have about whether God really knows them, and then she writes about an aspect of God that answers each question. Last night, I decided to go ahead and skip to the middle to the chapter titled "Do You Know I am Lonely?" It talked about how Christ knew loneliness, so He understands and about how our deepest longing can only be satisfied in Him. After reading it, I felt much better and had a new resolve to believe in things that are true rather than in my feelings. I came to school this morning decidedly set on not feeling lonely. I was prepared and ready to go.

If you've been reading the blog for a while, you may remember what I like to fondly refer to as the Epic Meltdown of Spring 2010. All my negative emotions came to a head when my car wouldn't start one morning. For some reason, car issues make me feel more alone than just about anything. I don't know why. So, the last thing I needed on my I'm-not-going-to-feel-lonely day was for anything to be wrong with my car. If there's anything I've learned from reading the Old Testament lately it's that God isn't afraid to test people and ask for big things (see Abraham almost sacrificing Isaac), so I shouldn't have been surprised when one of my fellow teachers found me this morning and told me he noticed my back passenger tire was going flat. Because I am me, this makes me want to cry. But if Job can praise God after losing his entire family, surely I can survive a flat tire...right?

At first, I naturally began my spiral downward into woe-is-me-I'm-single land, a place I am all to familiar with. My resolve was quickly fading, and I was starting to feel pretty lonely. But God hasn't called me to be lonely. And this was a test of my trust in Him. I had to decide if I was going to let myself go and follow my feelings or if I was going to battle those feelings with truth. I decided to go with truth. So here's a list of truth:

1) I got the flat tire at school where there are people who can help. I didn't get it in some random parking lot, over the weekend when people were busy or out or town, or just randomly on the side of the road somewhere. If I'm going to get a flat tire, this is probably the best place for it.

2) Before the time the bell rang this morning, two people had already offered to help me fix my tire (one of them offered up her AAA and her husband as assistance). My co-worker who noticed it basically just said, "Your tire is flat. I'll change it during planning." I didn't have to ask or anything.

3) I felt bad about someone having to do it in the middle of the workday, so I sent a text to one of my friends stating that I had a "flat tire situation." His response was "How can I help?"

4) God isn't going to give me anything that I can't bear. He loves me. He will take care of me.

5) Really, it is just a flat tire, which in the scheme of things is not bad at all.

Looking at that list, it is glaringly obvious to me that I am not alone. When I look at the truth, I see that a situation I originally felt was a real test was instead an opportunity for God to demonstrate His love and faithfulness to me. God has blessed me with the Holy Spirit, who gives me the strength to choose truth over feelings. He has blessed me with caring friends and co-workers, and today He is using them to ease my feelings of loneliness. So instead of being angry and bitter over my flat tire, I am thankful for it. For the lesson it has taught me. For how it has made me feel incredibly loved.